The Nurse who loved me
by Letzi
Summary: Dean ends up in a hospital after a car accident. He's a bit injured, Nothing too serious, but when you fall into a three days coma, people are bound to get upset about it, especially if they're doctors. So he has to stay in bed for days and he really doesn't know how he's going to hold on for that long until one night he meets Gabriel,a cheeky male-nurse that only works night shift
1. The kindness of Strangers

**AN : This fic is un-beta'd. All mistakes are mine.**

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Dean was awake. He didn't know for how long he had been. He didn't know what he had been doing before that. He didn't know where he was. He couldn't feel his body.

Weird.

He didn't know what was going on. Everything felt fuzzy, and he had a hard time remembering even what his name was. Something was wrong, he knew that. He knew waking up wasn't supposed to feel like this, he knew he was supposed to do something, but he couldn't remember what it was. Why was everything so difficult? Even thinking seemed hard. It was like his thoughts had been all mixed up, coming to him in a rush, and his brain wasn't fast enough to grab them and try and comprehend them.

He had to find a way to clear his mind somehow.

He tried to focus and think about nothing. It worked for five seconds, and then the thoughts rushed in again. He was too tired for this. Too tired…

He felt himself coming to consciousness again. He must have dozed off then. Everything was still a big bunch of nothing around him, but this time he could feel that he was lying down, on a proper, comfortable bed even. Maybe he was back at some motel after a difficult hunt? Not knowing where he was or why was scaring him, not that he would admit that out loud. If he could just have a look around, if he could just see…

His eyes were closed, he realized. So weird that he wouldn't notice until now... He sure must have been sporting the mother of all hangovers then. Or maybe something really, really bad had happened? Too exhausted to even try to open his eyes, he chose to listen instead. He heard faint voices that seemed to come from far away, behind a wall. In another room maybe? But they were not loud enough for him to understand. It wasn't helpful. Some other noise was here, in the background, in the very room he was in, how come he didn't hear it before now? The soft beeping sound was coming from his right. It sounded oddly familiar… A sound like the ones the machines on Dr. Sexy MD made.

He took a deep breath.

Yep, definitely smelled like a hospital.

What was he doing in a hospital? He didn't remember anything and it was getting frustrating. He felt a pang of anger swelling up in his chest. Why was his brain not working properly? It kind of reminded him of how he had felt the first and only time he tried to smoke pot. The same feeling of being light and heavy at the same, the slight dizziness, but ten times stronger. What did they give him that would make him feel that way? He didn't remember morphine having that effect on him. Or maybe this time they had to give him a higher dose…

The breath he just took made his chest and throat hurt, and he suddenly became aware of something stuck in his mouth, going all the way to his lungs, or so it seemed.

He started panicking and his eyes opened suddenly. The light coming from the window on his right seemed to burn his retina and he closed them right away.

He couldn't breathe, his head was pounding and the machine started beeping faster and louder.

Was he dying? He didn't want to die, not like this. This wasn't supposed to happen that way. He was supposed to die on a hunt, maybe eaten by a wendigo, or stabbed by a demon or something. Hunters didn't die in hospitals. They weren't supposed to know what was happening to them. Dean didn't want to die like this, lying on a bed, not knowing why, barely able to open his eyes to see death coming…

Somehow he still managed to hear the hurried footsteps of someone running to him. A gentle hand landed on his shoulder, making him jump.

"Sir, it's okay." A woman said to him. "We had to help you breathe but you need to calm down if you want us to remove the tube."

Her hand stroked his shoulder lightly, all the way down his arm to his own hand. How would she know if everything was okay? How dared she be so calm? He tried to take a breath, and it worked the first time, but the panic came back and he started coughing.

"Come on, open your eyes, it'll help." She said.

How could she be that calm? He was choking, barely able to think now. He tried to sit up, but her hand on his shoulder kept him on his back. Why was she doing this? If he could just sit, he was sure he would be able to take at least one big breath. He was sure of it. He tried again but he felt too weak to push her away.

"Do you hear me, sir? Open your eyes…"

He felt anger again. He wanted to show her it wouldn't work. He had to show her she needed to let him sit. So he indulged her. He opened his eyes, slowly. She was blocking the light coming from the window, so this time it didn't hurt. She just looked like one big blurry shadow to him, but he figured she could see him perfectly well, so he tried to speak to her with a look. _Help me. I can't breathe. I don't know what's happening but it's not normal. Help me. Do something!_

"Okay, now breathe in…"

He frowned. She didn't understand.

"Just breathe in, sir. Trust me."

_What the hell, lady?_ He wanted to say. He _couldn't_ breathe, didn't she understand? He was dying and she was talking to him so calmly…

He took a deep breathe through his nose.

"Good, now let it out."

He did. And then breathed in again. And out. In, and out, and in, and out. It took him a few minutes but he finally managed to calm down. His vision was getting better too. The nurse (she was wearing what he identified as nurse's work clothes) kept stroking his arm.

Well, what do you know? Turned out she was right after all…

"Okay, I think we're ready to take the tube out. What do you think?"

Dean hesitated for half a second then nodded. Might as well get the bad stuff out of the way as soon as possible. She unplugged the part that was hooked up to the machine.

"I want you to cough while I take it out. It's going to be painful, and you may feel like you're choking but it's completely normal, alright?"

Dean nodded again and rolled his eyes at her. _Get on with it already!_

"Here we go!"

As she predicted, it was difficult, but in the end he felt much better once everything that didn't belong in his body was removed. The doctor had come and explained to Dean what had happened, and by doing so helped Dean remember it too. The car accident part was true, although it wasn't because the truck driver that hit his Baby had fallen asleep but because he had been possessed by a really tenacious demon at the time, said demon being a stubborn son of a bitch who, for no apparent reason, really wanted to get Dean's heart out of his body. And then maybe feast on it. Dean hadn't asked any question after the 'I'm gonna rip your heart out' part. He had just had the time to exorcise the fucker before fainting in the middle of the road. Luckily for him, the driver woke up, unharmed, with no idea of how he ended up here, and he had called for an ambulance.

Now Dean was lying in another bed, barely able to keep his eyes open after all the tests they put him through today. His roommate, a chubby little old lady named Rhonda, was deeply asleep already. He wished he could have had a single room, but the hospital was full these days, the doctor had said to him.

He sighed, and it woke the pain in his chest. He had a few broken ribs, a collapsed lung ("It's not as bad as it sounds and it's been taken care of, but you need to stay in bed for at least a week, just to be sure!" the nice lady nurse had said.) and a twisted ankle. Nothing too serious, but when you fall into a three days coma, people are bound to get upset about it, especially if they're doctors. So Dean had to stay here, for a yet unknown number of weeks. He didn't mind right now, mostly because every move he tried to make made his whole body hurt like hell, but he knew that after a couple of days he was going to get restless. Just thinking about what they could have done to his Baby was starting to make him feel twitchy already.

He settled against the mountain of pillows behind his back and looked through the window. The night was beautiful. The sky was clear, stars were shining bright. It didn't look like it was too cold. He wished he was allowed outside.

He sighed again.

"Is something wrong?" He heard coming from his left.

Surprised, he turned his head so suddenly it made him feel dizzy for a few seconds. The guy standing beside his bed was a nurse, apparently. He was reading Dean's chart, a little playful smile on his face. It was bit dark (Rhonda explained that she wanted the lights out after 8pm, and she was kinda cute, in her own way, so he indulged her), so Dean couldn't see his eyes. He couldn't see a lot else, to be honest.

"Wh… No… I just…"

The nurse looked up and smile. Not kindly, like the woman who helped him earlier today. He totally looked like he was laughing at Dean.

"Relax, I'm just doing my job."

He gave a quick look at the monitor on the side of the bed, wrote something down and put the chart back where it belonged.

"The name's Gabriel." He said, still smiling. "I'm your nurse for the night, and probably every night to come in the next month, at least. If you need something, press that button…" He showed Dean which button he was talking about, "and I'll come running. Well, I probably won't _run_, but I'll come. Is everything okay?"

Dean nodded. The guy was talking so fast Dean didn't even have time to think.

"Okay then!" Gabriel just said.

And he left as quickly as he came in.

Strange, Dean thought. But he figured that when you worked night shifts, you had to get a little bit crazy after a while. And the guy seemed fun, even if a little rude. Or honest. Yes, honest fitted better than rude.

He was really tired but he didn't felt like sleeping yet, so he turned on the TV and tried to find something nice to watch.

He fell asleep in front of a re-run of Dr. Sexy MD.

The next day was as boring as he expected it to be. Rhonda was fun, in a way, but she talked too much, always rambling about the retirement home she lived in, how the orderlies were stealing things from the residents, who she saw for a fact kissing in the supply closet one day, who wanted to get some action with whom, who did manage to get into whose pants, and really, who would have thought old people were that horny? Dean just nodded at what he thought were appropriate moments in her story, and he was more than happy to be interrupted by the doctor coming to check on him in the afternoon.

He still had to endure hours of gossips from Rhonda after that though, and he was barely able to hold the sigh of relief that wanted to escape his lips when she told him it was time for her to go to bed.

Five minutes after she turned off the lights, he could hear her snore softly. He managed to grab the remote control without pulling a muscle and turned on the TV, making sure the sound was low enough that it wouldn't wake his roommate, but still loud enough for him to hear.

He was idly going through the channels when the nurse from the night before came in.

"Hello there!" He said, cheerful.

"Hi." Dean said absent-mindedly, his eyes glued on the TV. Those Kardashian girls were pretty hot, come to think of it…

"I see you're trying to add brain injury to the list…" The nurse – What was his name? Gabriel, was that it? – Gabriel said as he came to Dean's side to check on the monitors.

Dean sighed but didn't answer. Maybe that way he would understand. _I'm busy, just do your thing and leave_. But it wasn't what Gabriel had in mind, apparently, because he grabbed the chair next to Dean's bed and sat heavily on it, a self-satisfied smile on his lips.

Dean eyed him, making sure to show he wasn't happy.

"It's break time." Gabriel simply said, crossing him arms on his chest. "Let's talk."

"Don't you have better things to do? Can't you take your break outside?"

If he was going to be like that every night, Dean wasn't going to stand it for long. Maybe he could ask for someone else… How did these things worked? He made a mental note to ask one of the other nurses in the morning…

"Nope. Here is fine. So now tell me about yourself, Dean. Can I call you Dean? 'M. Winchester' is a bit much, don't you think?"

What? Who did he think he was?

Dean nodded. Yeah, fine, whatever. And apparently Gabriel wasn't leaving him any choice. Maybe if he played along, he would go away after a few minutes.

"Had a car accident. Woke up here. There's not much to say."

He looked up at the TV again, hoping the nurse would take a clue and leave.

"Oh, yeah I know" Gabriel answered, leaning forward, elbows on his knees and hands under his chin. "I saw pictures of your car, man, you're lucky you're still here in one piece!"

Dean startled at that. How could he ever forget about his Baby?

"Is the car okay?" He asked, fearing the worst.

"Uh… Not really… But the guy from the salvage yard said he knew your dad. He took it to his place in case you wanted to try and repair it. Said it was a shame to throw away a beauty like that."

Dean felt relief wash over him. Yes, good. He only hoped the guy wasn't too nosey and wouldn't try to take a look inside the trunk…

"What was his name?"

"I don't remember… Do you want me to check?"

Dean only nodded. If the guy knew his dad…

"Okay." Gabriel said, not moving one bit. He turned to look at the TV.

Wasn't he going to leave? Dean waited a few seconds.

"Hm… Aren't you going to check… now?"

"Nope"

He blinked at Gabriel. The guy was definitely weird.

"When is you break going to end?" He asked, not doing anything to hide the impatience in his voice.

Gabriel looked at him, the mocking smile back on his face.

"When I want it to. As long as nobody knows I'm slacking here, I don't have to move."

He looked at the TV again. Dean was feeling more than annoyed by now.

"Don't you have people to attend to?"

"Nope." Gabriel said cheerfully as he picked the remote from Dean's hand. "You have all my attention for the night."

He winked at Dean. Not knowing what to do, Dean tried to focus on what was on TV. But it was hard with Gabriel changing channels every five seconds. They spent a couple of minutes in silence, Gabriel trying to find a suitable channel, and Dean trying to pretend the nurse wasn't here.

"There's never anything good on there…" Gabriel finally muttered, putting his feet on the bed and leaning back in his chair. He eyed Dean from head to toe, a thoughtful look on his face. "Entertain me!" He ordered.

Dean sighed. This guy was impossible. He really hoped he wouldn't do that every night. For now he decided to indulge him. Mainly because he was bored too.

"How?" He asked without conviction.

"I don't know. Talk, tell me something."

"Something like what?"

It was Gabriel turn to sigh impatiently.

"Tell me about… about the pets you had when you were little, or your parents, or your car even. I don't care as long as you make it interesting!"

"There's nothing to say…"

Gabriel pulled a chocolate bar out of his pocket and started opening it. "There's always something to say. I'm sure you're not as boring as you're trying to appear, Dean-o."

Dean didn't answer. What did he want him to say? He couldn't tell him about his life, the guy was a civilian, so he couldn't take the risk. He felt too tired still to try and make something up. He was scared that with what had happened to him, he would end up forgetting some details and mixing things up, giving himself away in the process.

He didn't want to talk, was it that hard to understand? He turned to face the TV again, but he wasn't watching anymore.

"You don't have a lot of friends, do you?" Gabriel said, waving his chocolate bar at him and then taking a bite. It was said so casually, though. Like he wasn't judging, just merely stating a fact.

"Yeah, well, people can't handle my charming self!" He answered with a forced smile, trying to sound cocky. But it just left him with a bitter taste in mouth. The joke wasn't working this time. Maybe because Gabriel didn't laugh in return. Or maybe because what he said rang far too true to make him smile about it, even a little.

"Okay then, we'll play a game." Gabriel said, his mouth full of chocolate.

Dean corked an eyebrow at him. Gabriel finished chewing before he went on. "I ask a question, if you answer truthfully you can ask me anything you want and I'll answer too. What do you think?"

"I think your game sounds lame…" He muttered. Gabriel just chewed on his bar while waiting for something. God knew what. Dean stared at him. He stared back. "But fine, whatever. Let's play your stupid game…" Dean added after a while. _And maybe you'll leave me alone, finally!_ He thought to himself.

A happy smile appeared on Gabriel's face and he sat up, crossing his legs under him.

"Right, I'll start then!" He beamed.

Dean rolled his eyes.

"Okay then… Where are you from?"

"Not very original… I'm from Lawrence, Texas."

"Texas? Nice. Your turn."

Dean didn't know what to ask. He honestly didn't want to know anything about the guy. He sighed, trying to think of something. He was starting to get tired.

"Hm… I don't know… Where are _you_ from?"

Gabriel laughed. "And I'm not original… Okay, you want the short or the long version?"

"Short. Please… Short."

He laughed again. "Alright. Then I'm from England."

"England?" Dean asked, surprised. "You don't have the accent."

"Nah, didn't stay very long. You could say I barely had the time to get on my feet and then I had to move here."

Dean raised an eyebrow but didn't comment on that. "So you don't remember anything from that time, uh?"

Gabriel took another mouthful of his chocolate bar. "Uh-uh, Dean-o, my turn now!"

Dean felt a small smile growing on his face at the sight of the nurse, his mouth full of chocolate, but he quickly repressed it. "Okay… Shoot".

"What was the name of your first pet?"

"I never had any pets."

The smile came back on Dean's face when he saw the look of pure outrage mixed with horror that appeared on Gabriel's face. He wasn't even sure if it was forced for emphasis or not. "You never had any- My god. Never?"

Dean shook his head 'no'. "We travelled a lot. We didn't have time or space for a pet. I don't know, it's not that big a deal."

Gabriel looked suddenly more interested. "We?"

"It's my turn to ask a question, right?"

"Oooh come on, answer that one and I promise you can ask two after that!"

"You're cheating, dude…"

"It's my game; I do what I want with it!"

Dean huffed a little laugh. "Okay, whatever. 'We', as in my dad and my brother."

"Oh, you have a brother? That's pretty cool."

"Yeah. You have any siblings?"

Gabriel sat back, finally done with his snack. He tossed the empty wrapping on the little table next to Dean's bed. "Oh, yeah. Lots. Haven't seen them in a while though."

"Why?"

He thought he saw Gabriel's face fall for a moment, but he couldn't be sure. It was here for half a second, as if Gabriel had been remembering something dark and forgot himself, but when Dean tried to look for further signs that would indicate he had asked the wrong question it was already gone, and the nurse was as smiley as ever.

"Well, you know… Things happened. I got busy."

He fell silent, and stared at the TV again. Dean was about to offer some words of comfort, to try and make things less awkward, when Gabriel's beeper suddenly went on.

"Well, I guess that's the end of my break then." He said casually as he stood up.

The awkwardness was gone all of a sudden. He smiled at Dean. A nice smile this time.

"It was nice to chat with you. Later, Dean!" He winked at Dean again and got out of the room.

Dean felt bad for a moment, but he tried to focus on the TV again, and get the uneasy feeling out of the way. Eventually, it worked, and he fell asleep with the TV on.

He didn't saw Gabriel for two days after that. Not that he thought about him that much, he didn't have time anyway. Rhonda was making sure he had nothing to think about except her friends and their mating cycles – seriously, he was starting to get scared for his old days, if he ever got that old, he hoped he was never going to become one of_ them_. Maybe it was just something they gave them in that particular home?

On the second day, he already knew every one of Rhonda's favorite boyfriends by heart, and he really didn't think he could take another day of this. He needed a break, anything… But he wasn't allowed to go outside. Hell, he wasn't even allowed to go pee on his own. At first they had tried to make him pee in the weird little bean shaped boxes but they quickly gave up when they realized he'd rather pee himself than empty his bladder like this. So they had settled an arrangement. Dean was allowed to go to a proper toilet, only if he waited for a nurse and let her or him carry him there. And then hold him up _while_ he peed (Because there was no way he was going to sit down to pee). He didn't thought things could get more awkward than this. Especially when the nurse helping him was Jody, the nice nurse from the first day.

So when Rhonda started talking again after they had their midday meal, he tried as gently as possible to ask that they do something else. He didn't dare ask her to leave or go do some other stuff somewhere else for now. After all, she had been really nice and there was no reason for Dean to be rude with her. To his surprise, she cheerfully accepted and had promptly asked a nurse for a board game.

They had spent the entire afternoon playing Scrabble and for once Dean had had a bit more fun than he was ready to admit. They used to play the game with Sammy when they were little and their dad was far away, usually at times when Sammy got restless and started asking questions about what their dad was doing. The game kept his mind occupied for a time, and it often taught Dean a lot of new words. He didn't know how or where Sammy got his extended vocabulary, but he had always been the one who taught Dean those kinds of things. Dean smiled at the memories, and tried to keep himself in a happy mood. Thinking about Sam often made his heart ache. He hadn't seen the kid in a long, long while. Not since he had gone for Stanford…

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. At least Sam was happy and doing what he liked, that was what he tried to tell himself every time. He couldn't blame him for wanting out of the hunting business. Hell, even Dean hated it most of the time. He didn't know why he went on with it. The only thing that had kept him going these last few months was that his dad was missing. He didn't know if it was one of these typical 'John Winchester move' or if something really had happened. Usually his dad left messages, even if it was days or weeks after he disappeared. But this time it had been months, and not a word. Worse, he had left his journal behind. He had never done that before. That was what had kept Dean anxious at first. But then, he had started to discover clues that his dad had left. It was weird. It didn't look like him. So he had decided to go on a wild search, going on hunts from time to time if he found himself in the path of one. But no trace of John Winchester. Nothing.

Maybe he should have gone to Sam for help… But then again, who was he to ask the kid to abandon his life and come back to that shitty excuse of a life with him, uh? He couldn't do that. One time, he had almost done it. He had driven all day and part of the night to get to Sammy's. When he got there, Sam wasn't here. But there was a girl. A really cute, really nice looking girl. When Dean had seen her it made him change his mind. If Sam had found someone… Dean couldn't do that to him. She looked so much like their mom… So he had driven away and had never come back since. Now he knew he needed to stop thinking about Sam. That life was over. Sam was better off that way.

Well, now he was feeling shitty. He stared at the TV, arms crossed on his chest and an angry look on his face. He really had to stop thinking about Sam. He always ended up feeling like crap after it. He felt so angry at himself all of a sudden. He didn't even pay attention to what he was looking at.

A quick look on his left told him that Rhonda was fast asleep. Good. He was going to be able to brood in peace.

Or maybe not.

The door opened and Gabriel practically ran in, closing the door behind him and leaning against it as if he had been chased after by something nasty and wanted to keep it out.

"Hey there!" He whispered.

Dean raised an eyebrow at him.

"Hi."

He heard something running past his room. The sound of hurried footsteps died away as quickly as they appeared. Gabriel opened the door after a few seconds, looked around the corridor and, apparently satisfied that nobody would find him here, closed the door again and came to sit on the chair next to Dean's bed.

"What are you doing?" Dean asked, deadpanned.

"Running away from my responsibilities!" Gabriel answered cheerfully as he got a little pack of gummy bears out of his pockets. "You look like shit." He added, looking at Dean.

He popped a mini gummy bear into his mouth.

"Thanks." Dean just said. He wasn't in the mood to talk. Why did the nurse always choose the days he felt awful to come and have talks? This probably was a punishment from some kind of Higher Authority. Or maybe Lower Authority, it would make more sense, considering Dean's line of work. Yes, Gabriel was probably sent by Satan to make him feel even shittier, if it was possible. It was the only explanation. Nobody was _that_ annoying all the time.

"What do you want?" He added when he saw that Gabriel wasn't even pretending to watch TV this time.

Gabriel smiled. "We didn't finish the game!"

Dean rolled his eyes. "Yeah, we did. When you left, it was over."

"nuh-uh. It was my turn." He popped another gummy bear in his mouth. "Want one?"

Dean shook his head 'no'. "Okay then, ask your question… You're not gonna leave me alone anyway, are you?"

Gabriel's smile broadened. "See, we're getting to know each other!"

When he saw that Dean wasn't answering, or not even looking at him for that matter (TVs were convenient for that sort of things), he leaned forward, his stupid smile still in place.

"What are you brooding about?"

Dean sighed in annoyance. "Aren't we supposed to play your game?"

"It is the game. That's my question. What are you brooding about, Dean?"

Dean eyed him for a few seconds. Gabriel stayed where he was, waiting. Dean didn't want to talk about it. He had no reason to trust the nurse with that kind of personal information anyway. And he was pretty sure Gabriel didn't care. He just wanted to be annoying, probably.

"I was thinking about my brother." He said, without even knowing why he had.

"You miss him."

"Yeah. But I don't wanna talk about it, okay?" He added, angrier than he intended.

Gabriel leaned back in his chair. "Okay."

He didn't seem mad that Dean had just almost-yelled at him. When he realized he had, Dean checked on Rhonda, afraid that he had maybe woken her. But she was still sleeping soundly.

"Your turn." Gabriel said in that weird, calm voice he suddenly took after Dean's outburst.

He looked… Peaceful. Dean relaxed a little.

"Why are you bothering _me_?" He put the emphasis on the 'me'. _Why me_. He didn't need this. He just needed to be left alone.

"Is that your question?"

"Yeah"

"Okay."

He looked thoughtful for a second, as if he didn't know if he should answer truthfully or not. He smiled again. "Because I think you're the one who needs it the most in here."

Dean had trouble understanding what he meant by that.

"I don't understand." He said.

"You're lonely, Dean. You radiate loneliness. I'm not even sure you're aware of how lonely you really feel. So I'm helping."

Dean frowned.

"I don't want your pity!"

"It's not pity. It's just what I do. I help people. Right now, you're the one who needs me most. So I'm here. I won't leave you, Dean."

Dean stared at him for a few seconds, and then released the breath he didn't realized he had been holding.

"Yeah, well, I'm sorry you found me. You won't help much, even if you try really hard."

Gabriel just smiled cheerfully at that. "My turn."

Dean felt a small smile tugging at his lips despite himself. He looked down at his hands. "Okay, go ahead."

"Why don't you just go and visit your brother if you miss him that much?"

Dean had to think a little bit before he answered that one.

"Well… I can't right now… I… I don't have time. And even if I could I wouldn't. He has a good life, he doesn't need me."

Gabriel looked surprised. "He's your brother. Of course he needs you."

Dean looked up, feeling uneasy. "No, he doesn't… It's complicated. But he's better off without us. Without me."

"Us? You mean your dad and you."

Dean nodded.

"My dad is missing anyway so I don't think he'll bother him anymore…"

And why did he need to say that? He never opened up to someone like this before. He had to cut the conversation short, or else he didn't know what he was capable of saying without wanting to.

"But you asked a lot of questions, now I think it's my turn."

Gabriel smiled again. "Alright."

He looked at Dean with the same playful expression he had when he first came in the room. Dean liked that look on him. He still couldn't have a better look at the nurse, because It was always so dark in here at night, but he was starting to get familiar with Gabriel's expressions. It felt like he was so open, so honest… He never felt like that with anyone before. Maybe that was why he opened up so easily. Because Gabriel was honest in everything he did or thought or said. Or maybe it was just a special skill that medical people had. Knowing what to show to get the info they needed… Dean liked to think it was the former, mostly because of Gabriel's eyes. Eyes didn't lie. That was one think he had learned as a hunter. If you wanted to know the truth, you had to look into people's eyes. In the dim light of the room, Gabriel's eyes almost looked like they were the color of melted gold. He didn't know how they really looked like, but Dean never saw any trace of disdain or hate or judgment in those eyes. He liked that about Gabriel.

So, yeah, he wanted to talk, then Dean would talk. It wasn't that hard, really. They could find something to talk about that wouldn't involve too personal stuff. Dean could get used to the idea of having someone to talk to at night. He was very well aware that it was in those times that he felt the worst, because he had time to think.

"You said you haven't seen your family in a while."

"Yep."

"Why?"

Gabriel's smile turned sad. He seemed to think about what to say. Nice one Dean. He mentally slapped himself for having asked. But maybe he just wasn't good with light topics.

"Hm… Like you said for yourself… It's complicated. But in short : I ran away."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Why d'you look so surprised?" He grabbed a handful of gummy bears and put them all in his mouth. Sugar seemed to make him very happy.

"I don't know." Dean said as he watched him pop another gummy bear amongst all the other gummy bears already in his mouth. "You don't look like the kind of guy who would run away…"

Gabriel swallowed his mouthful – not without difficulty – before he answered with a laugh. "Didn't your mom tell you it's no good to judge strangers over the way they look?"

Dean just snorted at him and stole a gummy bear from Gabriel's hand. "Well, sorry, but see you're here, wasting your time with me so it rather looks like you're the kind of guy who would rather try to patch things up, you know…"

"Ah, yeah, but things at home were way past the 'patching up' phase."

He chuckled lightly but his eyes were unfocused, as if he was recollecting something and couldn't get away from it. There was a hint of sadness there, and it made Dean feel silly for insisting.

"Sorry." Dean said. He didn't know what else to say.

Gabriel just smiled at him. "Don't be, what's done is done."

"Yeah…"

There was a minute of silence that Dean didn't know how to fill.

"So, my turn!" Gabriel said, as cheerful as ever. "Will you watch the Jersey Shore with me?"

"What?"

Gabriel snatched the remote from Dean's lap. "Yeah, I love that show! Can I watch it here? It's almost time for the re-run, I don't want to miss that episode."

Dean snorted, then settled back against his pillow.

"Yeah, sure."

And he didn't regret saying yes to this. Because, yes, this show was dumb as fuck but it gave him the opportunity to hear Gabriel laugh and give sassy pieces of advice to the TV. And it was great. For the first time in a long while he felt happy. Genuinely happy. It made him think of Sam again, but this time he didn't resent the thoughts. He kept them here, on the side, and they made him feel warm and good.

And it was all thanks to Gabriel.

From that night on, every night that followed Gabriel came to spend a few hours with Dean. First they talked, then they played Gabriel's game but they kept it at silly questions about their favorite color or baseball player or everything they could think about involving each other's taste, and then they watched some TV. Sometimes they talked about Sammy, and really, it wasn't sad anymore. And by the end of the second week the weirdest thing happened.

Gabriel started to grow on Dean. Dean started to wait for him every night, from the first snore he heard coming from Rhonda, flipping through channels without actually looking at the TV because he couldn't wait for Gabe to finally take his break and come in.

Dean's favorite times were the ones where Gabriel would just climb on the bed with him. He started doing it one day, and Dean felt weird at first. But then he did it every time and it just became comforting. Dean liked to feel Gabe's weight beside him. And, well, if their hands brushed from time to time, he didn't say anything about it, because it made his arm tingle pleasantly and, really, there was nothing wrong about that.

Today it was worst. It was Sunday night so there was absolutely nothing to watch on TV. Well, less than usual. Dean had the tube going through his chest removed in the afternoon and he could finally go pee without people having to help him do it. The whole thing had been quick but a bit painful. He couldn't wait to tell Gabe he would be able to go have a look around in a few days. The doctors didn't want him to go out yet. They wanted to be sure everything was okay, whatever the hell that meant. Dean _felt_ okay. He was more than okay.

So, yeah, basically, he was super bored. And Gabe was late.

He wondered what could be taking him so long. And then he realized he had a big problem because, hello! He was waiting for his nurse to watch some crappy TV show and he was all excited about it like he hadn't been in years. This couldn't possibly be healthy. They were just having nice… guys' nights. Every night. Except they didn't watch football and drank beer. They talked about their feelings and watched reality shows and ate candies.

Okay, yeah, they had girls' nights. Or what his dad would have called girls nights. Yeah, whatever, it was nice. No reason to freak out here. Nope. Not at all. And so what if he liked spending time with Gabe, right? It wasn't like he was obsessing over the guy in _that_ way. Not that he had anything against those kind of… Well. No, not at all. Everybody had a right to like the things they wanted to like, it just… It just wasn't what Dean was into. And why was he arguing with himself? The voice that made him panic a little sounded strangely like his father's.

He mentally slapped himself. John wasn't a bad guy but sometimes he could be very… old-fashion. And even though he wasn't here and was unlikely to show up at the hospital he still haunted Dean with his crappy sense of morality. Anyway Dean had no reason to freak out. Gabe was flirty, okay, but he seemed to be like that with everyone… Actually Dean hadn't seen him talk with anyone else but him but… He seemed like the kind of guy who would be like that with everyone. And it wasn't Dean's fault if Gabe's smile was hypnotizing. It was the way the corner of his lips lifted lazily after Dean made a joke or said something he found funny, almost as if he was thinking about the joke and then he would suddenly burst out laughing, and it was the most beautiful sound Dean had ever heard. And it… It made Dean very happy, getting those kinds of reactions from the guy. It wasn't weird, was it?

"Deaaan!" Gabriel's voice rang as he opened the door.

Surprised, Dean jumped a little. "What took you so long?" He asked, grumpily. Gabriel was pushing a wheelchair into the room. "What the fuck is that?" He added, eyeing the wheelchair suspiciously.

"A gift!" Gabriel said cheerfully.

"A what?"

"I read your file and I saw that you're free to go have a look around but I don't think it would be wise to make you walk just now so I brought this. We're going out!"

Dean blinked at him.

He watched Gabe pushing the wheelchair toward the bed. "Are we allowed to? I mean… It's night. Are you allowed to take me out like that?"

Gabriel smiled slyly as he pushed the covers away from Dean's legs and helped him sit on the edge of the bed. "No. But don't worry nobody will see us."

Dean just sighed. He knew by now there was no arguing with Gabe when he had decided something. He felt a chill running up his legs and he realized he was still wearing the hospital gown.

"I'm half-naked." He said, matter-of-factly.

"Oh yeah, I know. I brought you these." Gabriel answered, throwing a plastic bag at his face.

Dean took a look inside. There was a pair of sweat pants and an old T-shirt that read "I'm no angel" with little wings drawn underneath the text.

"What is that?" He asked, frowning at the shirt.

"Don't be a baby. That's the only shirt I have that would fit you. Come on, put these on so we can go!"

Dean took the pants in his hands and tried to lift one knee, but it felt like his legs were made of lead.

"Uh… I think I'll need a little help with that…"

Gabriel raised an eyebrow and looked at him as if to say 'yeah, no kidding!' but he didn't make any comment and came closer to Dean. He stood in front of him for a few seconds, apparently thinking about how he could do this, and then snatched the pants out of Dean's hands and threw it on the bed.

"Shirt first." He said, suddenly all serious. "Take the gown off."

Dean obliged, his throat suddenly dry. He felt strangely exposed, sitting here, in nothing but his boxer shorts. He didn't know if it was his imagination or if it was true, but it looked like Gabe was eyeing him from head to toe for a second. He promptly put the ugly shirt on and then looked at Gabriel, daring him to say something.

Strangely, Gabe stayed silent. He took the pants and kneeled before Dean, putting one leg in, then the other, and he stood up again.

"Okay, try to stand and hold on to me." He whispered.

Dean did, and he found himself suddenly closer to Gabriel than he would ever have imagined. They stared at each other, their nose almost touching. Dean quickly turned his head so Gabe wouldn't see his face go red. He felt like his cheeks were on fire.

Gabriel lifted the pants up to Dean's waist, his hands brushing slightly against Dean's skin. Dean couldn't help the awkward laugh that escaped his lips.

"It's the first time someone's been dressing me up. Usually it's the other way around…" He said, still laughing nervously.

Gabriel laughed too. He patted Dean's ass playfully. "You'd have to buy me dinner first for that." He said with a wink as he helped Dean sit back on the bed.

The weird tension seemed to dissipate, and Dean found himself smiling with relief. This was nothing. He was the one who was thinking weird stuff. It was all in his head. He was _not_ falling in love with a guy.

Definitely not.

The night was beautiful, and to add to the sense of perfection that seemed to follow them both on this nice evening, it was a full moon. The beginning of summer was near, so there were flowers all around, everything smelt good and it was warm.

It was a little bit too romantic for Dean's taste, but it felt really good nonetheless. There was just one thing that was bugging him. He really, really, really didn't liked being pushed around like this. Gabriel had even brought a blanket with little flowers sewed on it and had insisted Dean wore it on his shoulders just in case. Dean felt like an old lady.

"I want to walk!" He said, trying to turn around so he could see Gabriel's face.

"Yeah and if something happens to you I get transferred and you win another week in bed. Is that what you want?"

"No…"

"Then shut the fuck up, I'll get you out of that chair as soon as we get there."

Get where, Dean had no idea. The park around the hospital was huge. Dean didn't thought it was that big. It was a giant, proper park, full of real trees and bushes and flowers, and apparently there was a nice place Gabe wanted to show him that would allow them to have a nice night out without being interrupted by the hospital staff.

"Are we there yet?" Dean whined.

Gabe wasn't his usual chatty self, it was unnerving. "Almost."

They past a huge tree – Dean was almost decapitated by a little low hanging branch – and Gabe finally stopped.

The view was amazing. They had reached a sort of little hill that allowed them to look over the city near the hospital. The trees around them were hiding them from view. There was a street lamp not far away from them that lit the place and made everything shine with the same weird orange glow. It smelt like fresh cut grass and summer. It was perfect.

Gabe took the blanket from Dean's shoulders and laid it on the grass. Then he helped Dean sit down on it and let himself fall heavily next to him. He got out two beers from a bag he had been carrying with him.

Dean raised an eyebrow at him.

"Beer? Aren't you suppose to watch for my health?"

"They're non-alcoholic, stupid. I may be the coolest nurse you'll ever meet but I'm not _that_ cool yet." He smiled.

But he still looked sulky and kind of sad. Dean took the beer he was offered and opened it, sipping on it a little. It tasted like water. It was disgusting. But he didn't feel like saying something about that. Gabriel was being weird. He hadn't noticed at first because he was so impatient to see him, but it had hit him when they had reached the park. At first he had thought that Gabriel wasn't saying anything because he didn't want them to get caught sneaking out but after they were out of view he had kept silent and had just answered questions Dean would ask from time to time, and always with the shortest answers possible. Dean almost felt as pissed as Gabriel looked after a while. Had he done something? Or did something happen? He didn't know what it was but now Gabriel was drinking silently and all that silence was starting to make Dean feel mad.

"My turn." He said.

Gabe gave him a quick annoyed look. He knew what that meant by now. He shrugged.

"I don't guarantee an answer this time…" He mumbled, taking another sip of his beer.

"Okay. I'm gonna ask anyway : what the fuck is going on with you tonight, uh?"

Gabe sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He looked so serious… It didn't suit him, Dean thought. He wasn't supposed to be serious. He was Gabriel.

"Nothing."

Dean wanted to punch the guy in the face.

"Really, nothing? You sure?"

"Dean…"

"Gabe. Shut the fuck up and tell me what's wrong!"

"If I shut the fuck up then I can't tell you."

"Don't… You know what I mean. Don't be like that, okay, or I'm gonna punch you right in the middle of your pretty face. You don't want my fist in your face, Gabriel."

Gabriel sighed again. He put his beer down carefully, then turn to face Dean. He crossed his legs slowly and finally looked up into Dean's eyes.

"I read your file when I came in today." He just said.

Dean wanted so much to say something but he tried to keep it cool and just waited. Maybe it was something important. He knew important things could take time to come out. He wasn't good when it came about touchy-feely stuff either so he figured he had to give the guy some time. But nothing came out after that.

"Yes?" He tried.

"It said you could be discharged next week."

This came as a surprise to Dean. They didn't tell him that. Maybe they didn't intend to, so that he wouldn't be too restless.

"Oh… Okay, that's good, right? I thought it would take longer."

Gabe didn't look like it was good news to him. "Yeah. I thought so too…" He looked away.

And it hit Dean. It hit him harder than anything that had happened to him so far. Gabe didn't want him to leave. Gabe was having as much fun with him as he had too. He smiled.

"Are you sad 'cause you're going to miss me?" He asked, smugly. "Don't worry we'll still see each other after I get out of here. I mean, if you want to. I'll be here. Probably not all the time but…"

But Gabriel didn't look happy about that either. He looked defeated. As if he had made a choice but every one of Dean's word made him doubt. Dean wasn't dumb. He could see something was wrong. Very wrong.

"Okay, what did I say? I'm sorry I… What is happening I don't understand."

Gabriel looked up again. "It's just… It's complicated, Dean. I'm sorry I'm not in a great mood tonight. I'll be better tomorrow."

He smiled, but it looked fake. It didn't reach his eyes.

"Talk to me, Gabe." Dean pleaded. He didn't like that foreboding feeling that suddenly invaded every cell in his body. It was the same feeling he had when a hunt was about to go bad. It was a warning.

Gabriel seemed frustrated. He looked away quickly, his eyebrows furrowing in anguish.

"I don't get involved!" He snapped. "I just… I just don't okay? Usually I take care of people who are going to die, it's easier. I know they're going to leave eventually. It last a few days, a week at most and they're gone and I move on but you… you're going to get out of here and live your life and I…"

He ran a hand through his hair in frustration. Suddenly he was looking at Dean again. Dean didn't know what to answer to that. It was more than weird.

"Wow, okay… Hm… But isn't that better? I mean… I'm not going to die, I'm very happy about that. Shouldn't you be too?"

And then all of a sudden the wall around Gabe was back. There was no feeling showing on his face, he chuckled awkwardly and he smiled his trademark smile, and it didn't look fake anymore. But it felt fake. It felt like someone had just slammed a door in Dean's face.

"Yeah I know…" Gabe said. "It's just weird you know. But like you said, you can always come and visit me when you'll be out."

He looked down at the city before them and took another sip of his beer. He started chatting happily again after that, and Dean tried to get in the nice mood he was always in when they were together. He really tried. But this time he just couldn't. Something had been broken. Something was off.


	2. Where are you?

The last week wasn't as weird as Dean thought it would be. Everything went fine between him and Gabe. Dean would take a walk in the afternoon, and it even made Rhonda come out of the room with him. She seemed to like him very much. After she fell asleep, Gabriel would come in, and they would do as they did the other weeks before that. Gabe never looked sad again. He seemed to be his usual happy, cheerful self.

But then it was Dean's last night at the hospital. Gabe was late again, Dean had thought at first. But as the hours passed, he began to feel anxious. As midnight came, he finally realized Gabe wouldn't come. Maybe he was busy tonight. Maybe there had been a huge accident and he had to be there. He didn't know how hospitals worked, even if he watched Dr. Sexy almost religiously every Friday night. He knew it was just fiction. He wished he had asked Gabe what his job was supposed to be before Dean came in.

He finally fell asleep a little after 2a.m. with the hope that maybe Gabe would come later and wake him up with his usual smile and a weird innuendo like he did once or twice at the beginning. But he didn't.

Dean felt anxious all morning. And then he felt angry. He barely ate, and barely listened to Rhonda either. She seemed to notice something was off and she stopped talking after a while. After lunch, he packed his things. He didn't have much, just the things the paramedics had taken out of his car after they took him to the hospital. He also had Gabe's sweat pants and lame shirt. He looked at it again; the big bold letters seemed to be taunting him. 'I'm no angel'. _No, you're not, you son of a bitch_, he thought. He would have liked to say goodbye. He didn't understand why Gabe didn't show up the night before. He knew by now there had been no emergency. Gabe just didn't show up because he didn't want to, probably.

He threw the clothes in his bag, feeling weirdly good about stealing things from Gabe. That would teach him… Maybe he would give them back next time he'd come visit, but for now…

He was interrupted in his train of thoughts by the sound of the door opening. Probably a nurse coming to give him his prescription before he left, he thought as he looked up. But it wasn't.

It was Sam. All tall and awkward, and… God, the hair!

"Hey, Dean…" Sam said, looking as uncomfortable as Dean felt.

"Sam."

He stood there, frozen, not knowing what to do.

"What are you doing here?"

Sam laughed nervously. "I… Your friend, Gabriel? He called the other day and told me what happened to you and where you were and he said… Apparently your Doctor doesn't want you to stay alone for another week or two so he thought it would be a good idea to ask me to… You know… Come and pick you up."

Dean felt his heart speed up.

"Gabe called you?"

Sam nodded.

Dean didn't what to think about that. Maybe Gabe thought Dean wanted some time alone with his brother and that was why he didn't show up today. Still didn't explain why he didn't show up the night before, too. He put the thoughts aside when he saw that Sam was just looking at him, expecting him to say something, maybe.

"And you came all the way from California to… South Dakota?"

Sam nodded again.

"That's more than a 24 hours' drive, Sam… I…"

"Calm down, Dean. I took a plane."

They stared at each other for a while. Dean really didn't know how to react. He wanted to cry, maybe. But he wouldn't allow himself to cry in front of his brother. This was all too much. Gabe disappearing and now this…

"Why?" He asked, feeling suddenly small.

"Uh… Your friend said… You talked about me a lot…" Sam answered, looking away. He looked a little red for a second. "So um… Yeah I figured you wouldn't mind spending a few weeks at home, with me and Jess…"

Dean gave him a questioning look. "Jess?"

Sam smiled. "Jessica, my fiancée. I've been wanting to introduce you two for a while now but I didn't know where you were and you never answered my phone calls so…"

It was Dean's time to blush. "Uh, yeah. Sorry about that I've been… Dad is missing, Sammy. I didn't want to bother you with all this… I've been looking for him but so far, no luck. He left me his journal so… I was worried."

Sam frowned, just like the way he used to when they were little and John had been gone for a little while longer that he should have. "Do you… Maybe I could help you fin-"

"No, no. Sam… Just no, okay? I don't think… I don't even know if he wants to be found, to be honest…"

He sighed. He didn't want to leave without saying goodbye to Gabe and maybe… maybe a little 'thank you' would have been nice. For everything. The awesome nights together, calling Sam… Gosh, he didn't even know he wanted to see his brother so bad until now. But Gabriel probably knew.

"So… What now, Dean?" Sam prompted, looking a bit unsure of himself.

Dean smiled. Yes, that felt right. Smiling felt right. It wouldn't hurt to spend a bit of time with Sammy, and it would be nice to meet his girl.

"It's… Thanks, Sammy. Yeah, I think I'm gonna come with you, if that's okay."

Sam snorted. "I wouldn't have made a 6 hours' trip if it wasn't okay." He smiled too. And it was good. It felt like home again.

"Come on, let's get you out of here!"

Sam's house seemed huge. It was a real, proper house. Not even a shitty student's apartment. A real, suburban, big, beautiful house. Dean was a bit nervous at the idea of meeting Jessica for the first time. After all, he didn't know what Sam had told her. Probably everything…

He got out of the impala, slowly. He had been so happy to get his baby back. Turned out the 'guy from the salvage yard' was none other than Bobby Singer, his dad's oldest hunter friend. Which was fortunate. He had fixed her up all good, and he even added a few extra things to the trunk too. When Dean had tried to pay him for his work he had called him a 'big idjit' and had refused anything. He had told Dean and Sam they should come and visit from time to time if they wanted to repay the service, and that was it.

And now Dean was in California. It was weird now that he thought about it, that he didn't found himself in that part of the country more often. Maybe that was why Sam had chosen this state. There were not a lot of monsters around here.

He followed Sam inside the house, trying to look as nice as possible. Jessica was in the living room, surrounded by books. She looked up when she saw them and the smile she gave them made Dean feel at ease. She really looked like a nice girl. She got up, kissed Sam lightly and turned to Dean.

And she hugged him. Right here, without saying anything first.

"Uh…" Dean tried.

Sam was trying not to laugh, the fucker. Dean tentatively patted her back. She let go and looked at him with the brightest of smiles.

"Hi Dean! It's nice to finally meet you."

"Yeah… You too…" He tried to smile back but it felt like his face forgot how to behave.

Sam and her shared a knowing look and she stared a Dean again expectantly. When she saw that he wasn't going to say anything – because, truly, what could he say? He was starting to panic – She put one arm over his shoulder and gave him a wink.

"So… Do you want to keep standing here or can we go sit on that couch over there and have a beer?"

And just like that, Dean knew Sam had made the perfect choice with her (Or maybe they were lucky that she had settled for Sam?), and he knew he was going to love that girl as if she was his blood.

And indeed, they spent one of the best afternoons Dean could remember having. Jess was a mixture of sweetness and sarcasm and sometimes she kind of reminded Dean of his younger self, not that he would ever mention that to Sam; she was a great cook too. Or at least her cookies were awesome. Dean stuffed himself with them until his stomach gave a protesting growl. By then it was already late afternoon and after two beers and a handful of giant cookies, Dean felt a bit dozy.

"Sam, why don't you show Dean his room and help him unpack?" Jess said, looking at Dean with a little smile.

"Uh, yeah, good idea" Dean yawned.

He felt exhausted but contented. A little nap would be a perfect addition to the great day he was having. Sam showed him the way to the guest room and let Dean to unpack on his own, saying he didn't want to have anything to do with Dean's dirty underwear.

As soon as he was alone, Dean let himself fall on the bed and he just stayed there, staring at the ceiling. This bed was really, really comfortable. Much more comfortable than the one at the hospital.

_Don't think of the hospital, Dean._

Wow, that ceiling was really clean. Did they wash it too when they cleaned over here or-

It wasn't working. He was thinking about the hospital now. Well, mostly about Gabe, if he wanted to be honest with himself. It had been easy not to think about him during the three days it took Dean and Sam to come here by car. But now he was finally all alone with his thoughts again.

Well, all he had to do was to keep himself occupied. Surely it would go away after a while.

On his first day alone (Sam was at school and Jess at work), Dean spent a few hours in front of the TV, only to be reminded of Gabriel when it was time for '_the Real Housewives'_, so he moved on to the internet. He lasted ten minutes before he ended up on a gossip website and an article about Snookie reminded him of Gabe again. So he went out, had a little walk around the neighborhood. An ambulance past him by. Defeated, he walked as fast as he could to get back to the house again. He washed his clothes, mowed the lawn, tried to bake a pie.

It worked, alright. Except after a while he didn't know what else to do. And the thoughts came back. He didn't know why he wanted to talk to Gabriel so badly. He just… He couldn't believe the guy had just bailed on him at the last minute. He just wanted to ask him why he hadn't been here, that was all. Just that. And then he would be able to move on, yes.

That's what he told himself.

He lasted a week before he started to brood openly. He didn't care about saving appearances anymore. There were just so many things he saw or heard in a day that reminded him of Gabriel. All. The. Fucking. Time. It was like the universe was openly mocking him. Ahah, here's some stuff to make you think about your ridiculous man crush. So funny.

Because yeah, Dean finally admitted – at least to himself- that he might have been crushing on Gabe a little. It was not that he was handsome, or sexy. Hell, the guy was smaller than Dean, this should have been a bother, for one thing. With girls it was cute, but with guys… No, with Gabe it was all about the way he talked, the way he smiled… But anyway, this wasn't the problem. Because he was more than willing to stop thinking about it, really. The problem was that it looked like the entire world was trying to shove it back in his face. At first it was annoying. But on that particular day it started to become sad.

Dean didn't like to be sad. So he started feeling angry instead.

"Okay, Dean, what is it?"

It had been two weeks and it was getting worse. Sam had noticed of course, but Dean was being particularly difficult today. Especially now that they were having their daily evening beer on the porch and Sam was trying to hold a conversation almost on his own because Dean didn't felt like answering.

Dean gave him a quick, sulky look.

"Nothing."

"It's not nothing. You know I'm not going to give up until you tell me what's up with you."

He seemed a bit angry too. Nice. Dean had managed to piss off his brother as well. So he figured, might as well not answer that. He didn't want to talk about it anyway. He wanted to talk with Gabriel. But that wasn't possible either.

"Is it because of your nurse guy?" Sam asked, looking smug.

"How…?"

"You talk with Jess, she talks with me. That's how couples work, Dean."

Well, yeah, that was true. He might have mentioned a thing or two about Gabe to Jess but… Okay, more than a thing or two. A thing or twenty. He may have told her everything about his stay at the hospital, trying to see how she reacted, see if it could help him deal with that particular problem.

"Yeah, okay, it's about Gabe. Happy?"

Sam sighed and laughed a little, looking at his beer in disbelief.

"What?" Dean asked, because he had no idea what Sam was laughing about and it was pissing him off a little.

"You're having a man crush. That's cute."

"Shut up…"

"You know what Dean? Jess and I we're really tired of seeing you sulking about all day long… So, you're going to do us all a favor…" He got his phone out of his pocket and handed it to Dean. "And you're going to call the hospital and ask for his number or something because, seriously? This is getting ridiculous."

Dean took the phone and stared at it.

"Don't you think I know how it looks like?" He mumbled.

This _was_ ridiculous. Maybe Sam was right.

"I pre-dialed it earlier" Sam added. "Do it now."

And Dean didn't even try to think about it. He just pressed the 'phone' key, and dialed the number that Sam was showing him. It rang twice before someone answered.

"Sioux Fall Sanford Health!" An enthusiastic woman's voice said.

"Uh, yes, hello… Um… I'm calling because… I'd like… I'd like the name of one of the nurse who took care of me when I was in the…uh…"

"What service were you taken in?" The woman asked.

"Uh…"

He quickly looked at Sam. He was trying to hold a laugh, the bastard.

"I don't kn- I don't know the name…"

"It's okay, sir, can I have your name? I'll check for you if you want."

"Yes, thank you… Uh, my name's Winchester. Dean Winchester."

"Please wait a moment!"

There were a few seconds of silence, followed by the sound of someone typing on a computer keyboard really fast.

"I'll transfer you. Have a good day!"

Dean didn't even have time to open his mouth to say 'thank you' again that he could already hear the little music that meant he had to wait.

"So?" Sam asked.

"Uh… They're transferring my call to the right service…"

Sam took a sip of his beer and nodded. Dean felt so nervous. His heart was beating so fast it almost hurt. The music on the phone was starting to make him feel on edge. It was really annoying.

"Hello?" Another woman answered after a few minutes.

"Uh, yes, hello. My name's Dean Winchester… I was… I was with you two weeks ago I had a car accident and uh…" He felt his cheeks heat up. "I would like… I'd like to know the name of the night nurse that took care of me." He rolled his eyes at Sam when he saw that the little shit was smiling mockingly at him. "Please."

"I'm sorry sir but… Can I ask what for? "

Obviously they would ask why. That made sense. Why didn't he think of that before he called?

"Uh… I… Well he's been very nice to me and I… uh… I wanted to say thank you or… I don't know, send something, maybe?"

Sam's laugh resonated in the phone. Dean gave him an angry look.

"Okay." The woman on the line said, and she sounded like she was smiling too. He felt like an idiot.

"But if it's not possib-"

"It's okay, sir, do you now his first name?"

"Uh, yeah. Gabriel."

He heard her type on her computer too.

"What shift do you say he works?"

Dean frowned. Did they have that much nurse there?

"Uh, Night shifts. I mean… He usually came by around 8.30, 9.00. So…"

He heard her typing again. Then pause.

"I'm sorry , sir, but there's no nurse here going by that name. Are you sure you have the right hospital?"

Dean's heart skipped a bit.

"Uh, yeah. Yeah I'm sure. What do you mean you don't have anyone going by that name? Maybe…"It sounded really dumb, but he tried to ask. "Maybe he worked during the day and… stayed a bit late at night?"

"No, I checked for the day shifts as well. I'm sorry but… We don't have a lot of nurses that are specifically dedicated to one service and if you say that he helped you, he probably was. I would know. There's no male nurse called Gabriel here, I'm sorry. Try maybe the other facilities in town? Maybe you picked the wrong number, people often get confused."

Dean felt numb. What if he worked there but he gave Dean a fake name? Why would he do this, anyway? Or … Maybe he was some sort of crazy dude who just sneaked in at night and pretended to be a doctor or something… All sort of crazy theories were running through his mind right now.

"Sir?" The woman tried when he didn't reply.

"Uh… Yeah, yeah. I'll do that…" He said, faintly. "Th- thank you."

And he hung up.

"What is it?" Sam asked, looking a bit concerned.

"They say Gabe doesn't work there."

Sam just looked surprised but the concern disappeared from his face.

"They probably got mixed up. Maybe he started working there not long ago and they haven't updated they personnel list yet?"

Dean felt relief wash over him. It made a lot more sense than what he had been thinking about. He laughed.

"Yeah, probably."

Sam laughed with him. They finished their beer, went to cook something for Jess who was going to come home an hour later and they even had a little chat about Gabriel. Sam told Dean he should go to Sioux Fall again and ask Gabriel for some explanation, this time in person. Everything was always better in person. Dean agreed. It would give Sam and Jess some time to themselves, too.

Once the decision had been made, Dean felt better. A whole lot better. He was going to see Gabe again. Everything was fine.

Dean took his Baby and he drove, and drove, and drove. It took him a day and a half to get to Sioux Fall. He didn't feel tired though, he was too excited for that. He still had taken the time to book a single room in a motel not far from the hospital and he decided that going there by foot would maybe help him get rid of all this nervous energy. He found a burger joint on his way and bought a hamburger and some fries. He took them with him and ate on a little bench, in the middle of the hospital park. He waited until his wristwatch told him it was ten past eight to get out of there and sneak in the hospital. He figured he'd have more luck finding Gabriel like this, rather than asking the staff for him. He had the feeling Gabe didn't really liked being around people. So they probably barely knew his name anyway.

He walked right to where he remembered his room was and knocked lightly. Rhonda was probably still here. Maybe Gabe came to check on her sometimes. She liked to talk so much and ask so many questions, Dean was practically sure she knew Gabriel's last name.

He entered the room as silently as possible, in case Rhonda was already asleep. The bed he had been occupying was empty. Rhonda was still here. It was weird, he thought. He realized he didn't even know why she was here, and not in that retirement home she talked about all the time.

Fortunately for him, she was still up, watching some family game on the crappy hospital TV.

"Hey there!" He greeted her, smiling.

She smiled too, obviously really happy to see him.

"Dean, my boy, what a nice surprise!"

He walked to the bed and let her hug him. "You know visits end at eight thirty, right?" She asked, her voice implying that he should go on time or else she was going to kick him out.

"Yeah, I know, don't worry. I won't be long, I just wanted to say hi and hum… Ask you something."

She smiled. "That's nice." She just said, taking his hand in hers like she liked to do.

"Rhonda, do you know anyone here called Gabriel?"

Her eyes opened a little in surprise.

"The angel?" She said.

Dean frowned. He wasn't really up to date with his Bible study but the name definitely sounded angelic now that he thought about it. He knew Rhonda liked to read bits of the Bible on Sunday.

"No, not… In the hospital I mean. Someone who works here?"

"Yes, Gabriel. The angel."

He held back a sigh. He didn't want to upset her.

"I mean a nurse, Rhonda."

"I know what you mean, Dean, I may be old but I'm not senile yet." She scolded him.

He didn't know how to react to that.

"I heard of him before" She went on. "There was a really nice lady who was here for a few days – she died, poor thing – but she talked about him a lot. She said he came to see her at night. She said he was her guardian angel, coming to take her home to Heaven…" She scoffed. "Most people thought she was crazy, obviously."

Dean nodded, but he was starting to feel sweat running down his back.

"Was she?" He asked.

Rhonda seemed thoughtful for a minute.

"I don't know" She said, carefully. "It depends if you believe in angels or not? But whether he was real or not, it helped her I think. She knew she was about to die but she seemed very happy. And, well… There was this little boy I met while I was walking around some day. He showed me the drawing of an angel he made and he told me his name was Gabriel. So maybe there is an angel here. I like the sound of that."

Dean's throat felt really dry.

"What did he look like? The angel on the drawing?"

Rhonda laughed. "I don't really remember, Dean."

She eyed him for a minute and she squeezed his hand.

"Did you see him too?"

"He's not an angel, Rhonda, he's a nurse."

Her smile widened. "To you he is. You don't believe enough."

He felt a little angry. He had spent most of his life hunting vampires, and ghosts and a whole lot of other stuff that would get him straight to a psych ward if he ever talked about them and he was the one who didn't believe? But she didn't know, he couldn't hold that against her. She didn't know all the things he saw. She didn't know about demons, and what they did to people. She didn't know he didn't believe in god because in his opinion, if there was a god, then there wouldn't be all this shit going on out there, on their good old earth. It wouldn't be possible.

"Yeah, maybe that's it…"

He didn't know what to think. He had to go ask another nurse.

"Thanks, Rhonda. I have to go now, but… You take care of yourself, okay?"

"Sure thing, boy. Now kiss me goodnight and get your ass out of here."

He smiled and kissed her forehead, knowing that it was probably the last time he saw her. It made his heart ache a little. That was the life of a hunter for you. Always on the move, no strings attached.

He waved at her one last time as he got out and almost ran to find the nurse's desk. There were three nurses there, standing in a semi-circle, whispering to each other. They all laughed. Dean cleared his throat. They stopped.

"Excuse-me… I'm looking for Gabriel." He just said. He didn't even have the courage to feel embarrassed anymore.

They all looked at him like he was asking for a foot massage.

"He's a nurse here." He practically growled. He felt like he had no patience left.

They looked at each other. "There's no Gabriel here." The taller one said. "I'm sorry, sir. Try another ser-"

"Service or facility, I know. Thanks, ladies."

And he left. He felt furious. What was happening here? He hadn't dreamt Gabe. He hadn't. Even if he never saw Gabe actually talk to anyone else. Even if he always came in when he was sure Rhonda was asleep. Even if he was very careful not to run into someone else on the rare times they sneaked out of the hospital.

Shit.

As soon as he got outside he called Sam. It took him a little while to answer, and when he did he was a bit out of breathe.

"Dean!" He seemed annoyed. "What?"

Dean had probably interrupted some 'Dean-is-not-here-let's-celebrate-in-all-the-rooms' sex but he couldn't care less right now.

"He doesn't exist!"

"What?"

"Gabe. Gabriel. He's not real. He doesn't exist. Either I'm crazy or he's…" He couldn't even think it, god…

"He's what, Dean?" He seemed a little bit more concerned now.

"I saw the old lady in my room, you know, I told you about her, and she… There's a rumor in the hospital that there's _an angel_ around, Sam. A fucking angel."

"You think Gabriel is an angel?"

"No! Of course not, you know what I think about all that biblical crap, I… He's part of some supernatural shit, Sam, okay? And I went with it, like a fucking-"

"Dean. Calm down. You know some supernatural creatures are actually nice people, right?"

Dean snorted. "Yeah, right, like who?"

Sam didn't answer. "Just… Calm down and… Call me tomorrow and I'll do some research. But now just… I don't know, get some rest I guess."

Dean let out a big breath to try and calm down. "Yeah, okay. I'll call you."

"Okay… You're sure you're gonna be okay?"

"Yeah Sam, thanks…"

They said their goodbyes and Dean hang up. He felt a great sense of loss all of a sudden. He felt betrayed. Gabe – If that was his real name – probably knew he was a hunter. No wonder he didn't talk about himself much…

It was all too much. He'd deal the day after. He needed a good old hangover. Yes.

He headed up to the nearest bar, hoping it would help him forget about all this.

He woke up with a hangover, alright. And immediately regretted his decision to drink the night before. He knew getting drunk when he was sad always leaded to that kind of morning. The kind where the light coming through the half closed curtains of the motel room seemed to burn his eyes even through his eyelids. So he took his time to get up, drank a lot of water and, as soon as he felt sort of okay, he went out to buy breakfast.

He was still angry with Gabe, of course. He needed to take his frustration and anger on something. Something useful if possible. So he bought a few newspapers on his way to the little dinner in front of the motel and spent the rest of the morning looking for a good hunt as he ate his bacon and eggs.

Eventually he found one, most likely a ghost, haunting a little church almost halfway through his journey home. He ordered some onion rings to go, went back to the motel, called his brother to tell him he was okay, took his stuff and took the way to Sam's house again.

It took him ten hours to get to the little town with the haunting, so he took a room again and decided to take a nap and go check out the haunted church later that night.

Turned out it was a really, really pissed off ghost. The spirit of a priest from the thirties who had been accused of getting on a little too well with the kids in town. Back in the day it was a really small town. So the kids' fathers had taken revenge for themselves. The priest was actually innocent. One of the kids had lied because he didn't like the guy; he thought he was too boring. The other kids, thinking it was fun, had followed with the lie. After that, they had been too terrified of what had happened to tell the truth. So Dean put the spirit to rest.

He was heading back to the car, all sweaty and sore, to put the shovel back in the truck when something suddenly slapped his face and stayed stuck here. He panicked for a second until he realized it was a piece of paper. He took it of his face and looked at it. A flyer for a homeless shelter. He scoffed, putting the shovel in the trunk and closing it. He got back in the car and looked at the flyer again.

'We need hands!' it read in red letters. Under it was a picture of some volunteers and a text explaining what they needed hands for exactly. A young girl caught Dean's eyes. She had bright, pink hair. Funny…

And then he had to look again, because it couldn't be possible. He took out a pocket lamp from the glove compartment and lit it. No. No way. No fucking way. What in the hell-

It was Gabriel. Right here, on the picture. Next to the pink-hair girl.

Dean ran a hand through his hair. What did that mean? He looked at the picture again… He felt half panicked, half relieved, because, yeah, Gabe existed, there was actual proof now. He was here, on the picture. But it couldn't be a coincidence that the flyer had come and stuck to _his_ face… There was no wind, he realized. Like, no wind _at all_. How could it…

He threw the piece of paper on the passenger sit and got out of the car, looking around frantically.

"GABRIEL YOU SON OF A BITCH!" He yelled.

Because it had to have been him. He had thrown the fucking thing in Dean's face, god knew what for. To taunt him maybe?

"I KNOW IT'S YOU! SHOW YOUR FACE YOU FUCKING MORON!"

But nobody showed up. He felt so angry. So the fucker was here, maybe he had been following Dean. What did he want? Dean felt like his heart was going to explode.

He ran around the church, looking behind every tree, every tomb of the little cemetery behind it, but there was nobody to be seen. He was alone.

He punched a tree and regretted it immediately.

"Fuck! shhhi-"

The pain in his hand brought him back to reality, it seemed. He stopped moving, feeling suddenly defeated. He was breathing hard; his heart was beating like crazy, so he just stood there and waited for it to calm down a little.

"I don't know what you're trying to do, but congrats, shitface, you got me." He said, looking as his hand.

It was bleeding slightly. It would leave a nasty bruise in the morning.

He didn't know if Gabe was really here, or if he heard him, but he kept talking anyway. "I guess you taught me not to trust a pretty face now, uh… Maybe that's what you do. You teach people stuff, let them stew in their own juice and then come back and haunt them forever or… I don't know…"

He laughed at how dumb he must have sounded just now.

He walked back to the car, went back to the motel.

The next day he drove all the way to Sam's in one go.

They hadn't talk about it. Dean had come back, and that was it. Sam had felt something was off, Dean had seen it on his face, but he hadn't said anything about it.

Dean had decided to take a year off the hunting business. Sam and Jess were getting married next summer, and he wanted to be here for that. And the truth was, Gabriel was the last blow. He was tired. Being here was good, it was family. It was home.

So after a few weeks he had found a job as a mechanic (At first it had been hard because he didn't have any real certification for the job but one look at his baby had convinced his new Boss that he was good at this), and a month after that he had found a place for himself. A little flat, not too far from Sam's house. He had bought some pieces of furniture, nothing much, but it was still a lot more than what he had on the road.

Life was starting to get better again. He made friends at the garage where he worked. He met some of Sam's friends, and then some of Jess' too. Mostly because she was trying to hook him up with one of them. He still thought about Gabe, but it was only occasional now. He didn't know why he was obsessing over the guy. Well maybe he had some answers. He remembered now some of the things he had felt when Gabe had been standing too close to him or when he had been touching him. The sort of imposing presence he had carried around with him. The goose bumps, the feeling of not being able to get too close or you might get burnt. Maybe it was addictive. It all screamed 'monster' but Dean hadn't realized. And now he felt so stupid when he thought about it, about everything…

So when he saw signs of dark strawberry blond hair in the corner of his eyes as he was walking home from work one night, he didn't pay it any attention. It had done that to him so often when he first came back from Sioux Fall. He saw him everywhere. And when he looked closer it wasn't him anymore. It was someone else, a stranger. And those first weeks had been exhausting. He was used to it by now.

He walked a bit faster. The winter wind wasn't as horrible in that part of the country but he had gotten used to the warmth and he was shivering a bit.

He had to cut through a little park to get home faster. It was okay, he wasn't scared, he knew how to defend himself. Even if the trees in here had weird shapes that scared the kids. He was deep in his thoughts when he reached the middle of the park and realized there was no wind anymore. And not a sound either. No sound at all. Which was the weirdest feeling he ever had in his life. It felt as if all life had stopped for a time. Like someone had just hit the 'pause' button.

And then Gabriel was here, right in front of him.

Dean felt paralyzed for a second. The funny thing was, after he had thrown the flyer away, he had almost convinced himself that Gabe was just a figment of his imagination. That was how he went through the first weeks. That was how he had been able to make his life better. And now he was standing here, as if nothing had happened.

Dean felt dizzy with anger all of a sudden.

"Hey, Dean." Gabriel said.

He was kind of smiling, looking all relaxed. The fucker.

"Fuck you!" He snarled.

He started walking again without looking back at Gabriel.

"Dean wait!" He heard Gabriel rush after him until he caught up with him. "Wait!"

But Dean kept walking, kept looking straight ahead. Maybe if he ignored him long enough he would go away.

"Dean, please can we talk?" He took a hold of Dean's arm and all of Dean's resignation crumbled. He was real, he was touching him. Now he could feel it, the buzz of power. It made him shiver harder.

"Please…" Gabriel tried again.

Dean stopped walking and gave an empty look at Gabriel's hand on his arm. "Don't touch me, you fucking freak!" He spat.

Gabriel let go of him, he seemed upset now. "And you wonder why I didn't tell you what I was." He scoffed.

They stared at each other for a second before Dean couldn't take it anymore. "Okay, talk, I won't be here all night."

Gabriel sighed. He gestured toward a bench nearby.

"Can we sit at least?"

Dean didn't argue and went to sit on the bench, Gabriel followed.

"So first…" Gabriel started. "I'm sorry I scared you with the flyer thing. I just… I don't know, I didn't thought you would react like that when you learnt about what I was so I figured I needed to show you I was still here somewhere… That I would come back, eventually…"

"So you were following me?"

Dean felt so mad. He tried to keep a straight face but he felt so fucking mad.

"Uh, yeah. I mean, not all the time. I'm… I didn't lie to you, Dean, never."

Dean snorted.

"I swear, I didn't! Like I told you… Well, when I ran away from home…"

"Where's home exactly? What are you? Shapeshifter, demon, what?"

Gabriel glared at him. "I'm an angel of the Lord."

Dean blinked at him.

"Bullshit."

"You know it's true, Rhonda told you. You believe in demons but you don't believe in angels?"

"When you spend your entire life hunting monsters it gets hard to believe in a higher power."

Gabriel laughed unhappily. "You're the one who's full of shit, Dean. Anyway, that's what I am. Believe me, don't believe me, it won't change that."

Dean crossed his arms on his chest. "Then show me something. Show me your little angel wings." He said, mockingly.

Gabriel cocked an eyebrow at him. "I can't, they're not real wings. They're made of grace; it would literally burn your eyes out if I did." He leaned back on the bench, looking suddenly smug. "And there's nothing little about me."

Dean didn't want to believe him, he really didn't want to. But he had been nothing but nice at the hospital so, yeah, maybe it was possible. Angels might be real. Awesome.

"And what tells me you didn't pick a name out of the Bible and told people you were an angel just to screw with us?"

Gabriel sighed. "Yeah, sure. I did that, and out of all the non-conspicuous names I could have chosen I picked an archangel's name. I'm that smart."

Dean frowned. "Archangel?"

"Yes, hello Dean, I'm Gabriel, nice to meet you. Geez, what kind of a hunter are you? Aren't you supposed to know stuff?"

"I- uh…" He felt silly all of a sudden. No, this wasn't the time. He was pissed. _Remember, Dean, you're pissed_. "Sam's the lore guy. He researches things; I kill them, that's how it worked before…"

He felt himself blush. He had forgotten how Gabe could do that to him. Just… talk and talk until Dean wouldn't even know what he was pissed about in the first place. This wasn't good.

"I still don't believe you." He said.

"Fine, can I go on with my story anyway? You wanted to know why I left, the least you could do would be to listen to me when I'm actually trying to explain."

Dean didn't answer and just glared. Yes, glaring was good.

"So… I left home a while ago. And by 'a while' I mean thousands of years."

"Why?"

"Well, you know the story, right? Luci was cast out of heaven and I didn't want to see that. I've always hated to see my brothers fight, I just didn't want to pick a side and it pissed me off, so I left."

"Luci… fer?"

Gabriel sighed again. "Yes, Dean, Lucifer."

"As in… The Devil?"

"As in my brother. I don't care what you stupid humans say about him, he was my brother, still is."

"Okay…" That was a new piece of information, right here. Satan was real too? Not good. Not good at all. "And he's walking around like you do or…"

"No, stupid, he's been cast out. He's been… 'caged' would be the right word. Don't interrupt or we're really gonna be here all night."

"Okay."

"So… I ran away, and let me tell you my first years on earth weren't funny. But anyway, I got by, until one day I met some new gods. Pagan gods. After a few decades I had found a way to hold back my grace - my 'powers' as you would call it - in a way that would allow me to use it but not be too suspicious, you know. I didn't want my brothers to find me, and I didn't want my new friends to find out what I was. So, basically, they took me in because from what they saw I had the same amount of power they had, but I didn't have anything human in me so they figured I was some other sort of god. And I lived like that for a while, it was nice actually. I started punishing bad people when they did bad things. Nothing much at first. After a few centuries I even started to make the punishments entertaining – for me at least – and I made a name for myself because of that. Good times." He smiled as he remembered.

"So… What you're saying is that you're a pagan god as well."

"I posed as one. It was fun. Maybe you'll be glad to know that tricksters exist because of me actually" He said, proudly.

"Awesome…" Dean deadpanned. "Thanks… So what happened next?"

"Hm, well, a couple of centuries ago, they discovered I wasn't a god. I was… I fucked up, basically, and for a second I released my real power and so, yeah, they realized I wasn't a god. And the Norse people, dude, they don't like to be tricked like that, believe me. So they've been trying to find me to 'bring me to justice' as they say, and a lot of other pagan gods followed them. And since I couldn't go around being a god I just… I came back to the basics, you know? Helping people get to heaven in one piece. Without my brothers noticing me, that is. So I go where I can find sick people, or people in need, usually hospitals, shelters, and I stay with them. I tell them who I am and I keep them company."

It was a lot to take in. Dean didn't know where to start; he wanted to ask so many questions. But he tried to focus on why Gabe was here first.

"So… you left without saying anything, because…?"

"They found me a few days after I first met you. But I thought I had lost them so I stayed. I really thought I could stay until you were discharged, at worse but… They caught up with me so I had to go. I'm really sorry, but I'm not ready to die for you yet, Dean."

Okay, it made sense. It made a whole lot of sense. He felt the last trace of anger leave his body. He felt suddenly exhausted. Gabriel was silent now, waiting for him to say something.

"Okay… Okay, I- Gabe you could have told me from the beginning. If you knew I was a hunter-"

"And you would have fled from the hospital as soon as you could. It's _because_ you're a hunter that I didn't tell you."

It was probably true. He nodded. There was still something tugging at the back of his mind though. It had been for a while now.

"When you took me outside, the first time, you remember?"

Gabriel made a face. "Yeah, sorry about that…"

"Hm… You said you only took care of people who were dying so… I was wondering… Why did you come to me?"

"Uh, that's kind of an embarrassing question…" He laughed.

"Tell me."

"Okay, well… Being an angel means I can see your soul. I mean, it's necessary for what I do, you know. I don't want to comfort people telling them they're going to heaven if their soul is bound to hell, right? So… I don't know, I was taking care of that little lady and you came in, and… I felt you, Dean. Like, really, physically felt you."

He was looking away, clearly avoiding Dean's eyes.

"What do you mean?" Dean asked.

Because, damn, was his soul twisted or something?

"I mean… You're so bright… I don't know, I never saw that before. Your soul… It's like it's special. You are actually. You are special, I don't know what it means but your soul shines so bright I just had to see for myself. I was selfish… sorry. I just wanted to be close to you because… You're so pure, Dean, I swear, when I'm with you I feel dirty in comparison."

Dean raised an eyebrow. It didn't know if he should take that as a compliment or not. "Uh, thanks?"

"No… I mean, you're… You're super annoying, okay, I don't know why I bother explaining things to you…" He said, but he wasn't upset. He was teasing now.

Dean tried not to laugh. Or smile. He tried really hard. He still felt a small smile tugging at his lips.

"So… now what?"

_Are you staying with me?_ He wanted to ask. But he was too scared of the answer to even hope it would be positive.

"Now… Dean I'm sorry I just wanted to explain myself because I couldn't stand you being mad at me but… They're closing in on me I need to go. Far away."

"Like it's not going to piss me off more…" Dean answered. But he couldn't bring the anger anymore.

"Sorry…"

"Yeah you said that already…"

He finally settled back on the bench. His shoulder touched Gabriel's. He focused on the sensation for a few seconds.

"Okay, one more question."

"Go ahead."

"Why am I… uh… kind of obsessed… with you?" He saw Gabriel turn his head toward him in the corner of his eyes but he was feeling his cheeks getting hot and he didn't want to face whatever look the angel was giving him. "Is it some magical stuff or…?"

"Why, Dean, I'm flattered." Dean heard his smug smile more than he saw it. "I don't- I may be an angel but I can't voodoo people that way. So, I'd say, it's all on you. I don't have anything to do about it."

There was a bit of silence.

"Apart from the fact that I have a great personality, and I'm a very handsome chap too, that probably helped."

Dean laughed. He looked at Gabriel, and he was smiling. So brightly. Dean looked at his lips. Not on purpose, mind you. He just felt his eyes drift on Gabriel's face. He tried to look away but they came back on it. On his smile.

God, he wanted to kiss him, right here, right now-

Gabriel got up, faster than Dean thought was necessary. He looked…embarrassed. Shit, did he saw…? Could he read minds? Shit, shit sh-

"Okay, well… I'm gonna go before someone comes and slit my throat." He laughed awkwardly.

"Uh… Okay…"

Should they hug? Dean wanted to hug him. To hold his hand, anything. Just touch him one last time and keep the memory of the buzzing feeling. In case he wouldn't come back. In case he died.

"So, this is goodbye then." Gabe said.

"Uh… so… Adieu?" Dean tried. That's what you said to someone you weren't going to see again, right?

Gabriel laughed.

"Eeeh no, I wouldn't say that. That's highly unlikely."

Dean gave him a questioning look.

"Do you even know what 'adieu' means?"

"Uh… That's… 'farewell'? Like, 'I guess you're going to die so have fun' or something."

"Kinda. It's French, you know that right? Literally it would be 'to god', meaning 'I'll see you in heaven' basically, but… I don't want to go there so… Let's say 'see you next time', it covers everything."

"Okay…"

Dean took some time to look at Gabriel, really look. He tried to store every little detail in a corner of his brain.

"See you next time, then."

"See you, Dean."

He turned his back on Dean and looked up.

And then he was gone, and the world started turning again.


	3. Home, sweet home

Dean fell into his routine again. He felt strangely at peace ever since Gabriel came to him that night. So yeah, now he had to live with the knowledge that there were angels around, and gods, and Satan, but he couldn't really bring himself to care. Everything was good so far. He just hoped Gabe was okay.

Another month passed, then two, then three. It was mid-February now and Jess was getting frantic. The wedding was getting closer and closer, and she had to take care of a lot of things, apparently. Obviously, she had already taken care of the church, the rings, and all those things you had to book or buy years in advance it seemed, Dean really wasn't interested in the details. So now she had to take care of another bunch of important stuff like flowers, and table arrangements, and wedding dresses, and a whole bunch of things Dean still wasn't interested in. She was just going crazy with everything, so Dean kind of avoided Sam's place these days.

He still felt a little something tugging at him, urging him to do something every time he read something weird in papers or saw it on TV, but it was dulled by all the good things he now had in his life. He hadn't heard anything from John, not that he cared much about that now anyway. Jess didn't like his dad. She didn't like him at all. And, well, she had somehow managed to rub on Dean after a while and he started to see that, yeah, maybe he didn't need to follow his dad's steps. Maybe he needed to make a life of his own. Maybe he could stop hunting forever?

His job was really cool, his flat was starting to look like someone was actually living there (it even had movie posters hanging on the walls. How awesome was that?) and, well… There was that one friend of Jess, Sarah, who was really cute and he had an official date now. A proper date, where he'd pay for dinner and maybe a movie and be a gentleman about it and not pressure her because he actually liked that girl and he thought they had a chance at something a little more permanent so he didn't want to fuck this up.

So yeah, everything was great, and really, he wasn't expecting someone to be in his living room, lying limply on his couch when he got home. Surely not.

He grabbed the gun he kept in a drawer near the entrance door and aimed at the person (creature? Thing?) on his couch, his heart beating so fast it felt like it was going to jump out of his throat.

"Holy sh- Gabe?"

"Holy shit, yes, that's what I look like, I know…" Gabe said weakly.

Dean gaped at Gabriel, his gun still pointed at him. His face looked like it had been clawed. His shirt was ripped almost in two his right foot was twisting in a weird angle. There was blood _everywhere_.

"You know this is not going to do anything to me" He added pointing at the gun when he saw that Dean was too stunned to speak.

"Wh- What the fuck happened to you?"

Gabe smiled faintly, clutching at the head of the couch as he tried to sit properly. But he failed.

"Pagan gods happened to me, that's what. Help me here!"

"Fucking hell… Don't fucking move, Gabriel, look at you! God…"

Dean hurried toward the couch and knelt down. He took Gabe's face in his hands, looking at the gashes there, trying to ascertain the damage. Gabriel tried to sit up again.

"Just… Stop moving, for fucks sake!"

He froze, looking at Dean in a weird, questioning way.

"How could they do this to you?" It looked really bad. "Mister 'I'm an archangel'…" He added, raising an eyebrow at Gabriel.

"I can't use my full powers, I told you. The other angels would find me. The gods got a hold of my blade and… well, here I am."

"Your blade?"

Gabriel sighed, looking annoyed. "Archangel's blade. Every angel has his own, it's made of grace so it's the only thing that can hurt us basically. You won't be able to do anything about this."

Dean let go of his face. "Did you get it back? Your blade?"

"Yeah…" He raised his hand and suddenly he was holding a weird looking sword. "Here."

Dean touched it slowly. "Wow… Okay. Good. That's good."

"Yeah well…" The blade disappeared. "They still had the time to do this to me so… Dean… Can I hide in here for a while?"

"What?"

"Please."

Dean stared at him, not knowing what to do. He was happy to see Gabe being alive and all, even if he looked as if he was about to keel over and die any minute, but he didn't want angry gods to find him and ruin his home.

"What about the gods?" He asked.

"I think I had enough of their 'justice' you know so… They'll probably leave me alone. I'm ninety-nine percent sure I won't be invited at parties anymore though…"

"You're sure?" Dean asked, ignoring Gabriel's attempt at a joke.

"Yeah… They just feel betrayed for now but… I've spent a lot of time with them, you know. They're kinda like family. I think I'm safe. And anyway they always need me at some point to clean up their mess; they wouldn't kill me, even if they have an idea of who I am now…"

Dean sat back on his heels. "Okay, so… What do we do?"

"Nothing. I just…" He winced as he tried to lift himself up. "I just need a place to rest. I'll heal, it'll just take a bit of time."

"Okay… Okay."

Gabriel finally managed to sit up properly. He eyed Dean with a tired smile.

"So… Wanna watch something?"

"… _So now you're roomies with a run-away archangel, uh?_"

"Yep" Dean said into his phone. He still had trouble believing half of it himself, so he wasn't surprised at Sam's doubtful tone on the other end of the line.

He quickly walked up the stairs leading to his apartment door, with one hand full of grocery bags, a phone stuck between his shoulder and head and the other hand digging into his pants pockets because he couldn't find his keys. Okay, this wasn't going to work…

"Wait a minute, Sammy…"

"_Uh-uh…_" Sammy answered. He heard him typing on his computer. He was probably trying to find some stuff about angels now.

He held the phone between his teeth and finally managed to open the door. He entered, slowly. The curtains were closed. Gabe was lying face down on the couch, sleeping, apparently.

"Sam? Still here?" He whispered as he took the phone to his ear again.

"_Yep. Why are you whispering?_"

"Gabe's asleep, I…" He almost dropped the bags of grocery and ran to his kitchen table to throw them on it.

He turned to look at Gabe. Still nothing. "Alright, Sammy, I have to go."

"_hmkay…_" Dean heard some typing again. "_I'll see if I can find some stuff about… uh… angels…_"

"Thanks, Sammy, you're the best!"

"_You owe me, dude. Jess is so mad at me right now, I'm supposed to be working on the sitting arrangements with her!_"

"I know, I know! Thanks again!"

He hung up and walked to the couch. Great, now Gabe was drooling on his pillow. Awesome.

It had been two days and all he did was sleep. He could maybe hold on for an hour or two before he had to lie down again. It worried Dean, to be honest. He didn't think angels were supposed to sleep that much. Or if they were supposed to sleep at all.

He sat on the floor, in front of Gabe's face.

"Hey." He tried.

Gabriel didn't move. Dean pocked at his ribs.

"Hey. Wake up, I brought food."

"Hmmmm" Was all he got in return.

"Dude, you haven't eaten since you're here. I don't even know what you eat, or if you're supposed to."

"mhfi mhfon't mhfeat"

Dean rolled his eyes. "I didn't quite catch that…" He deadpanned.

Gabriel finally turned his head to look at him with a sleepy, angry look. "I don't eat. I don't need to. I need to rest."

"I bought pie."

Gabriel laughed. "Okay, one slice. And you let me go back to sleep."

"Fine, come on!" He held his hand out for Gabe to take so he could help him up.

"Can't you bring it here?"

Dean tried to look unhappy for a few seconds but the way Gabriel was looking at him in a mockingly pleading way made him laugh too hard and he finally got up to fetch a couple of slices. When he came back to the couch, Gabriel was half-sitting, half lying on one side. Dean sat next to his head, and put the plates with the slices of pie on the coffee table.

"Can't you sit properly?"

"It hurt my foot if I do."

Dean laughed a little but didn't press on. He turned the TV on and started eating the pie. It was really good. Gabe did too, after he found a comfortable position he could eat in. Dean found an old western movie on one channel and settled back on the couch. He had had a slice of pie, he was sitting comfortably in front of an old movie, everything was fine. A beer would have been awesome but he felt too lazy right now to get up again.

After a while – and really, Dean didn't really know how it happened – he realized Gabriel's head was resting on his lap. He was watching the movie with a little frown on his face. Dean only noticed he was lying there because one of Gabe's hands had landed on Dean's knee a few seconds ago.

"This is not how people dressed in those times. I hope you know that, Dean."

And wow, the way his voice resonated on Dean's thigh, it went straight to the pit of his stomach, just shy of his crotch. The last thing he needed now was to get a boner. That was new. He had never thought of Gabe that way before. Never_ felt_ that way actually. He had just thought about kissing him, just to see if Gabe's lips were as soft as they looked. If they tasted like all the candies he was always eating.

Well, now he felt it. He felt it good. Gosh.

He pushed Gabriel away as gently as possible.

"Uh, sorry I… I have to…"

He didn't even tried to finish his sentence and disappeared into the bathroom. He leaned against the door until his dick calmed down a little.

He was so fucked.

A week passed, and Gabe was starting to get better. He could walk again, even if his ankle looked a bit bruised, the gashes on his face were all closed now, he just had three huge scars left. He still had a few bruises on his wrists and on his right side but he wasn't complaining anymore, so that was good too.

So obviously now that everything was going fine again, something horrible had to happen. Something horribly awkward.

Dean was lying on his couch, nestled under a huge blanket Jess had knitted for him (that girl was all kinds of awesome, really). He was reading some newspaper he found on a bench on his way back from work when Gabe got out of the shower. Wearing nothing but a towel around his waist.

"Dean, I don't have any clothes left. I don't feel well enough to angel-clean them. Find me something to wear."

Why was Gabe doing that to him? Was it on purpose? His hair was wet and he had brushed it back. Dean noticed some drops of water falling from his head onto his chest. He followed their path with his eyes, wondering what it would feel like to follow the exact same path with his mouth… He felt his dick growing interested under the blanket.

Dean was trying really hard not to gape at him. "Uh… Sure I… You can go look into my room… I mean, the things that are into my room. My clothes."

Gabriel looked annoyed.

"I don't want to go through your stuff on my own." He said. He sounded embarrassed.

"I don't mind, it's okay."

"Come on, Dean. Can you fetch some pants for me, at least?"

Wow, okay, yes, naked angel in his living room. Without pants.

"I can't."

Dean gave him a questioning look. "Why not?"

_Don't look at your crotch, Dean. Don't look at your crotch. _

"I just… uh… can't."

He looked at his crotch. Damn. Gabriel's eyed open in surprise. So yeah, Dean was dead.

"I don't know what you're reading, I don't wanna know okay? Goodness…" Gabriel said, suddenly a bit red as he walked toward Dean's bedroom. He closed the door behind him.

"People don't usually do that when they have guests you know!" Dean heard him yell from behind the door.

Horribly awkward.

"Dean, are you touching yourself?" Gabriel yelled from behind the closed bathroom door.

Dean rolled his eyes. It had been two days, couldn't he let go already?

"I wasn't touching myself!" Dean yelled back, feeling his cheeks get hot. "How many times will I have to tell you?"

Gabe got out of the bathroom, all dressed this time. There were almost no traces of scares on his face anymore, just a slight discoloration where they had been.

"I'll never believe you." He said as tried to dry his hair with a little hand towel.

"I told you not to do that here, you putting water everywhere!" Dean said, pointing the knife he was holding at him.

Gabe just smiled slyly at that. "Look at us, we're so domestic. I love it!"

Dean didn't answer and started cutting his potatoes in little cubes again.

Gabriel walked back into the bathroom. "I'll have my full powers back on soon anyway. I won't have to physically wash myself anymore. I can't wait. I don't know how you humans do it all the time. That's so annoying. I'm so glad I don't have a real bladder."

"You don't have to shower every day, you know…"

"But everything's so filthy. I feel filthy already. The only reason I wash myself only once a day is because I know you're actually paying for the water. Don't thank me by the way."

"Thank you for what? Taking advantage of my place and being all whiney about everything?"

"Exactly!" Gabriel said as he got out of the bathroom again and came to look over Dean's shoulder.

He just watched Dean peel and cut potatoes in silence for a minute or two.

"I'll be out of your hair soon, you know." He said after a while, his tone suddenly serious.

Dean kept cutting, thinking about how he could possible give an answer to that. He knew he felt more than he was ready to admit for Gabe, so it was delicate. He was way past the man-crush phase now. It was attraction, with a big A. With all the awkward fantasies he was having, and all the little moments he caught himself staring at Gabe, just for the sake of it, just because he thought the way he watched TV with his head cocked on the side was cute, or because he saw him smile and all of a sudden his heart started beating faster and he couldn't take his eyes off of Gabe's face, he knew it was something more and it scared the hell out of him but he was not ready to let the angel go yet. He needed some time to figure all that shit out first.

Living with the archangel didn't help either.

"You can stay if you want. I don't mind. We'd have to find you a bed but-"

"I can't stay, Dean."

Dean put the knife down and he turned to face Gabriel. "Why not? You don't have anyone going after you anymore."

"Because I can't stay with you, you're human. I'm an angel. You're a hunter. I'm part of the things you like to kill for fun."

"I don't kill for fun… And you're just trying to find a good excuse to leave." He was starting to get angry again. If Gabriel didn't want to bother with him he just had to say it instead of trying to dodge the question.

"I don't have a good excuse to stay, either."

"So that's what you're looking for here. A good excuse to stay."

Gabriel seemed to hesitate. "Not necessarily. Unless you have one…"

He wasn't teasing or anything. Dean really believed he was being sincere but… Maybe something snapped inside his brain. Maybe he just went crazy all of a sudden.

"Okay." He said with an exasperated sigh.

He grabbed Gabe by the hem of his shirt and he kissed him. He kissed him with all he had. Gabriel went very, very still.

His lips were as soft as Dean had imagined. They tasted of strawberry pie and whipped cream, with maybe a hint of mint flavored toothpaste. Miraculously, Gabriel started to move his lips against his, and his heart missed a bit in surprise. He felt one of Gabriel's hands on his arm, and one on the side of his face. His own hand found the back of the angel's head and he held onto it as if his life depended on it. The kiss was wet, and messy, because Dean just wanted to make Gabriel understand that, yes, he wanted him to stay and more, and he was desperate for it. Except he wasn't good with words and so he felt that it was his only chance to show Gabe just that in a way he would understand.

Then suddenly Gabriel pushed himself away. He looked up at Dean, lips red and swollen, and he was so beautiful it was almost painful. He looked so conflicted. Sad or angry and maybe like he wanted more but didn't dare to ask and so Dean just stood there too because he didn't know what that meant.

Gabriel opened his mouth to say something but nothing came out. He ran to the bathroom.

Dean looked down at the potatoes on the table beside him and he felt really pathetic. So maybe this wasn't the cleverest thing to do here. He was just so frustrated. It was always like that with Gabe. He was always… always touching Dean, his shoulders, his arms, his hair sometimes, always flirty even when he knew that Dean wasn't in a happy mood and when Dean finally acted on all that…

It was nothing, and Dean felt like nothing. He needed air right now. He didn't want to think about it anymore. It was too complicated, totally not worth it.

He grabbed his jacket so furiously the chair it was laying on fell down and he walked out of the apartment.

He came back home a little after midnight.

The apartment was dark, the TV was on but it looked like Gabe had fallen asleep already. Dean removed his shoes and tip toed to his room. He tried not to make any sound that could wake Gabe up as he closed his door – because god knew he wasn't ready for any awkward discussion tonight – and he promptly removed all his clothes, except for his boxer shorts.

He went to bed and closed his eyes. But he really wasn't tired at all. He tossed and turned for about ten minutes before he finally settled on his back, looking at the ceiling and he pushed the covers away. He didn't know why he just did that. He was just… Not mad. He felt feverish. And his thoughts turned back to Gabe.

His lips. His eyes. The smell of his hair now that he was using shampoo like everybody else. He had made Dean bought a bottle just for him. A really weird-smelling organic shampoo. It smelled like exotic fruits and spices. Dean had learned to like it. And sometimes when he was away from the apartment for a while he missed it.

He started stroking his belly absent-mindedly, thinking about all the things Gabriel changed in his life in the small amount of time he had known him. There were a lot of things, really. An awful lot. The first being that Dean was having wet dreams about a guy now. He didn't mind, though. It wasn't _a guy_. It was Gabe. It was specific. And for a while he had believed Gabe felt the same way and, even if now he knew it wasn't the case, he didn't have any regrets. At least he knew now, he didn't have to fear about that anymore. He felt relieved, in a way, even if it hurt.

He started thinking about the kiss. How good it had felt. How soft. His hand started to drift downward. Thinking about the way Gabriel had leaned into him, had kissed him back for a few seconds made him hard again.

He sighed. Well, now he only had himself to get rid of that problem, didn't he? He gave a quick look at the door and stood still for a little while, trying to hear if Gabriel was still sleeping or not. He only heard the faint noise coming from the TV.

Good.

He closed his eyes and started stroking himself slowly through his underwear, trying to remember the feel of Gabriel's lips on his own. He tried to imagine them going down to his neck, then his torso, then his belly. He kept it at that for a while, savoring the anticipation of what the Imaginary Gabriel was about to do in this little fantasy. He felt the familiar ball of pleasure forming low in his belly and finally slipped his hand under his shorts. The feeling of flesh on flesh sent a spark of pleasure up his spine and he held back a moan. He tried to focus, really picture the little scenario he had in mind. He imagined Gabriel kissing his thigh, and then, finally the base of his shaft, until the kissing fantasy wasn't enough anymore and he pictured Gabe taking him all in, all at once, in a way that only porn actresses could manage but really, at that point he didn't care about the credibility of what he was imagining because it felt too good. He stroke harder and faster and with each stroke he felt the pleasure growing and growing and he was so, so close…

"Dean?"

His heart jump so hard against his chest it felt like someone had just stabbed him and he suddenly froze, a hand on his dick, his eyes opened wide.

"Dean, are you sleeping?"

The voice was coming from behind the door, he realized. He let his head fall on his pillow and noticed he was slightly shaking all over.

The door handle started to turn, slowly, until the door was opened by an inch or two.

"Dean?" Gabriel asked again, half whispering.

Dean covered himself up as fast as he could and folded his hands neatly on his lap. "Y… Yeah?"

"Can I come in?"

Dean couldn't possibly say no to that. If he did then Gabe would probably think he was mad and he really wasn't right now. He really didn't want things to get weirder than they already were between them. He had to say yes. He was suddenly very aware of how hard he still was and how it showed through the sheets even with the lights off. He sat up, hoping it would hide everything.

"Uh… Yeah."

The door opened and for a few seconds Gabriel just stood in the doorway, as if he didn't know if he was allowed past that or not.

"Did I wake you?" Dean asked, hoping he hadn't. He didn't remember making any noise.

"No, I wasn't sleeping actually… I… uh. I was pretending. I don't need to sleep anymore. But it felt… Awkard." He tentatively stepped inside the room, looking for Dean's reaction. When Dean didn't move or yelled at him, he came closer to the bed. "Sorry…" He added.

"It's okay." Dean just whispered.

He just couldn't figure out what Gabe was doing here. The angel sat on his bed, then stood up again. "Uh, can I sit? Sorry." He looked a bit agitated.

Dean nodded. Gabriel sat down again then looked around the room as if every little piece of furniture was the most interesting thing he ever saw. Dean just waited for him to say something. The boner was still here. It was starting to hurt.

"I don't know what to say." Gabriel admitted after a while. He finally looked at Dean.

"Uh… Why don't you start by telling me what you're doing here?"

It came out a bit harder than Dean had intended. But having Gabriel here, in front of him, sitting on his bed like this after the things he had just imagined… It was too much. He _needed_ to masturbate, like, right now.

Gabriel looked at his hands. "I uh… Wanted to apologize for the way I reacted earlier. And…" He started picking at his nails. "I want to say something else but it's difficult."

It occurred to Dean suddenly that he would need to cancel the date with Sarah. It was weird that he thought of that because his dick was hurting. But he really didn't want to take advantage of her that way, and he knew it would probably happen if he went on with the whole thing.

And Gabriel was just sitting here, staring at his hands, and Dean really, really needed him to go away. You couldn't interrupt a guy mid-orgasm to tell him you had nothing to say to him. Couldn't he have waited until morning?

"Start small then. I don't know." He tried.

Gabriel looked up. "You're human." He stated.

"Yeah, and you're an angel. You told me that already."

"Yeah. But what I meant was… I can't get attached." He sighed. "I said that before too, didn't I? I'm really not good at this you know, I hope you realize I'm working really hard to not just disappear on you right now…"

"Can you get it out before morning? I'd like to sleep here."

"So yeah, I can't get attached because you humans you just… Your lives are so insignificant, it's like, one day you're here, the next you're dead. It's too… too short… too sad, you know what I mean?"

Dean raised an eyebrow at him. "No."

"Okay… hm… Dean I can't… I can't be with you. Not like that. I mean… Okay, it was just a kiss but I'm not dumb and I'm way older than you can even start to conceive so I can pick up on little things, I know… I know how you feel. I knew even before you did. It's not possible. Can't happen."

Dean blinked. He didn't expect something like this. It killed all feeling of desire instantly.

"Why?" He just asked.

"Because you're going to die soon and then what will I do, uh? You didn't think about that, I'm sure. They never do. I'll just have enough time to get addicted to you and you'll die."

"I'm not that old, Gabe…"

"But that's it, that's what you all say, but to me you are. A hundred years, to me it's like… I don't know… I can't make you understand how small it is. You can't understand. I don't blame you. But I just can't allow anything to happen between us. It's just not possible."

"Why?" Dean taunted. It felt like Gabe was trying to find an excuse to leave. Again.

"Dean…"

"Okay, I'll die someday. And so what? Dude, you're an angel. You call heaven 'home' even if you haven't been back there in a while you still do. So, yeah, I'll die. Is my soul bound to hell?"

Gabriel looked cautious. "No."

"Okay then. So I'll go to heaven. You'll just have to suck it up, grow a pair and come see me. I don't see what's so complicated about that."

He didn't know why he wanted to convince Gabriel so bad. It wasn't like they were confessing their undying love to each other. It had just been a kiss. He didn't even know if he wanted an actual relationship, but with Gabe it was okay. It didn't matter. Everything felt right.

Gabriel opened his mouth but Dean cut him off. "And even if we tried something I'm pretty sure you'd get tired of me real fast anyway…"

"Don't say that." He looked dangerous for a second. But then he just looked sad again. "I'm basically immortal; don't you think I'm way passed the 'hook-up' phase?"

Dean just shrugged. Gabriel seemed to have trouble coming up with arguments now.

"And it's not that easy… Going to heaven it's… First I'm not really sure it's a good idea to tell humans what happens there so I'll just keep that to myself but seriously? It's much more complicated than that. I couldn't just visit you, it makes no sense."

"Why not?"

"Even if they accepted me again there, there's… It's… Complicated, okay?"

Dean started smiling. "But why?" He asked again.

Gabe looked like he was simultaneously annoyed, amused and in pain.

"Dean… I can't. Period."

"I'm pretty sure you can, you're just trying to find some bullshit excuses."

"No, I'm not, you don-"

"I don't understand yeah. I heard. "

"Dean…"

"Gabriel!" Dean mocked him.

"Okay, just shut up…"

"Make me."

Gabriel stared at him. They both knew what Dean meant, and he seemed to be considering. Dean's heart started beating faster. He saw Gabriel's eyes slip to his lips for a second.

"Okay…" Gabriel whispered.

He leaned forward, painfully slowly. Dean couldn't believe it was happening. He couldn't believe he had convinced Gabe. He suspected Gabriel had already made the decision before he came into Dean's room, but maybe he didn't want to listen to himself. Dean had probably helped a little.

Finally, Dean felt Gabe's lips brush his. He didn't dare to move. He didn't want to. They both stayed in the same position for a few seconds. Dean felt his heart hammering inside his chest. The anticipation was almost unbearable.

"Gabe…" He whispered.

And that was all it took, apparently, because Gabriel closed his lips on Dean's and pushed him gently against the bed. Dean gripped Gabe's hips and hold on to them as if letting go would make it all dissolve into nothing. It felt like a dream. He couldn't believe it.

"Don't freak out on me now…" He managed, because he was still a bit scared that Gabe would suddenly change his mind.

Gabe started kissing the corner of his mouth and moved onto his neck, tracing the curve of his jaw. "Not going anywhere." He almost growled.

Dean could only nod at that. It felt too good. He couldn't think properly. He needed contact, more contact. Now.

Gabriel still had a shirt on, that was wrong. He tugged at it until Gabe sat back and pulled it off. Gabriel was looking at him with a hungry look that made Dean shiver with want. He felt a spark of desire going through his body and he pulled Gabriel against him. He hold him there, hold on to him so hard it would probably have left bruises on anyone else, and he kept kissing him until his lips hurt. He could feel Gabriel's erection against his and he moved his hips, slowly, trying to get used to the feeling of his dick grinding against another. It should have been weird, but it wasn't. It was good.

Gabriel started kissing his neck again. His hand found Dean's hips and pinned them against the mattress, so that Dean couldn't move anymore. He started moving his hips in slow circles, making little burst of pleasure running up Dean's spine. He sucked on Dean's neck until it hurt and then let go, looking at his work, and then into Dean's eyes. And he kept going with his hips, slower, and slower, until Dean felt like he was going to go crazy if nothing more happened.

"Gabe…" Dean pleaded.

Gabriel just smiled slyly and pushed his groin harder against Dean's and, really, Dean wasn't sure how much of this he could handle. He was breathing hard, and his throat wouldn't stop making those little needy sounds that he had never thought he was able to make before that night. His cheeks were hot, but he was not embarrassed this time.

He groped Gabriel's ass with one hand and held on to the small of his back with the other. Gabriel laughed and started moving faster again. Dean moaned.

He hauled himself up and caught Gabriel's lips with his. Dean got lost in the kiss for a few second, lapping at Gabe's mouth like he couldn't get enough of him. Suddenly Gabriel lifted his hips and Dean opened his mouth to protest but he suddenly felt Gabe's hand closing around his shaft and he almost came right on the spot.

Gabriel seemed to notice and he went slower. He tugged at Dean's boxer shorts.

"Take them off." He said. It sounded like an order. Dean felt goose bumps running all over his body.

He took the thing off. It distracted him a bit from what was happening, and when he looked up at Gabriel again, he realized the angel was staring at his own hand running slowly up and down Dean's cock. He felt exposed all of a sudden, but he didn't felt ashamed. It was so hot he couldn't look away.

"Like what you see?" He asked smugly in between ragged breaths.

Gabriel smiled at him but, instead of answering, he bent down, his mouth getting closer and closer to Dean's dick. Dean held his breath with anticipation. Gabriel gave him another sly look and licked Dean's shaft once from the base to the top until he finally took him in his mouth. Gabriel's mouth was hot, and wet, and it felt so perfect that Dean couldn't help but close is eyes because it was too good, almost too much. He saw stars dancing behind his eyelids. His moans followed the rhythm of Gabriel's mouth going up and down, and up and down. Gabriel's tongue came in to play then, licking around the tip as he moved faster and Dean could feel the pleasure pooling low under his belly, growing and growing until he felt like he was going to come so hard he'd die right on the spot.

That's when Gabriel stopped, and Dean's eyes opened suddenly.

"Wha-" He started, almost angry, because how could he, twice in a row?

But Gabriel took him in hand again and this time it felt cold, slick and wet. When Dean looked down he saw something glistening between his dick and Gabe's hand.

"Did you just angel-lubed me?"

Gabriel laughed and it made him stop touching Dean for a second.

"Yeah…" He said after he calmed down a bit. "Yeah, I did."

He crawled up to Dean so that they lips were almost touching as he kept stroking slowly. He kissed Dean lightly.

"I also angel-lubed myself…" He whispered.

And all of a sudden the rest of his clothes were gone.

Dean's heart sped up. He started kissing Gabriel's neck, his hands stroking the angel's back. Gabriel then pushed himself away from Dean and held himself on his knees, Dean's legs trapped between his thighs, his ass just above Dean's dick.

"Shouldn't you… I'm going to hurt you if we-" Dean tried.

But Gabriel shook his head. "Don't worry, I know what I'm doing." He answered, his voice suddenly thick.

"Are you su-"

Dean didn't have time to finish speaking because Gabriel had lowered himself on him, holding his dick with one hand, keeping balance with the other on Dean's chest.

Dean let out a huge breath as Gabriel kept going until Dean was fully in. He stopped for a few seconds, looking at Dean with a small, contented smile on his face. He was starting to breathe a little harder.

"You okay?" He asked.

Dean laughed and it made Gabriel's ass jump a little around his dick. He sucked in a breath. "Yeah. Yes. Yes."

His ran his hands up Gabriel's thighs until he found his hips and hold on to them. Gabriel raised an eyebrow and Dean understood he was asking silently if he could move. Dean didn't know if he could hold long enough for him to even try. After two almost-orgasms, he felt like his balls were going to explode.

But he nodded anyway.

And God, it was the most wonderful thing he ever felt and he almost cried out half in pain half in pleasure the first time Gabriel bounced up and down his length. One of Dean's hands grabbed Gabriel's ass and stayed there. Gabriel started moving at a steady pace, slowly first, agonizingly slowly. Dean felt sparks of pleasure exploding in his groin, under his balls, going all the way up his spine and sending waves of shiver up his arms. He was making so much noise it almost sounded like one of those Japanese porn cartoons he liked to watch from time to time. He had never been really vocal before, he didn't know where that was coming from.

But that was before Gabriel. Gabriel who was bouncing up and down his cock with a cheeky grin on his face, staring into Dean's eyes, really staring and it was beautiful. Dean tried to keep his eyes open just to be able to see this. See Gabriel's cheeks turning a nice shade of red, see his brows furrow with pleasure, his tongue running on his lips from time to time. Dean managed to push his hips up in sync with Gabriel bouncing down and the most delicious of noises came out of the angel's throat. Dean kept doing it until finally it was too much and he let Gabriel move. The pleasure grew and grew and he finally came with a long, pained moan. Gabe kept riding him until Dean went limp.

He stopped then, bent down and kissed Dean on the nose. He was sweating and breathing hard and it made Dean wish he could go another round right now, right away. It occurred to him that Gabe had just given him the most wonderful orgasm he ever had in his life, and he had done nothing in return. Rude.

Gabriel let himself fall next to Dean with a tired grunt; he looked exhausted. Dean wanted to ask him what he could do for him but really, he couldn't talk. He looked at the ceiling for a while, trying to get his breathing back to normal.

When he felt he was okay to talk, he turned his head to look at Gabriel. The angel was looking back at him, a tired smile on his face and little sparks of gold dancing in his eyes.

"You should go to sleep." He said.

Dean nodded. "Yeah, okay." He answered as his hand ran down Gabriel's body.

He was still hard. Dean started stroking lazily.

"You don't have to." Gabriel exhaled.

"Okay." Dean said, still stroking, a bit harder as he smiled.

He tried to do it the way he liked it done to himself, wondering if it was enough.

"I've never done that before. To someone else I mean. Tell me if-"

"It's good, Dean. It's really…" He closed his eyes for a second and grabbed Dean's arm with his free hand as Dean went a bit faster, sometimes stroking the head with his thumb. "Just keep going…"

They stared into each other's eyes as Dean kept stroking. He changed hand, used the one pinned to the mattress and with the other he lifted Gabe's leg and hook it up behind his own thigh. The position was not ideal, but he kept going anyway. He let his hand fall onto Gabriel's ass.

The angel swallowed hard, his eyes filled with want. _Yes, yes, do it!_ He seemed to be thinking.

So Dean tentatively rubbed at his hole, still wet with lube and come. He kept rubbing, massaging, up, down, sometimes circling around, and apparently he was doing good because Gabe's cheeks started to color again and he nuzzled he head on Dean's shoulder.

"Dean…" He breathed in Dean's ear. "Can you-"

Dean didn't wait until he finished his sentence and slowly pushed one finger in. He heard a whispered "yes" coming from Gabriel and he went on. His left arm was killing him but he kept stroking, as fast as he could, as he pushed another finger in.

"I don't know what I'm doing" he laughed.

He wished he had succumbed to the temptation of watching gay porn earlier in the week. At least he would have had a small idea of what would be good or not.

"You're doing g-great, Dean. Just… Shut up and-" His breath hitched for a second when Dean curved his fingers and he started moving against them.

"I take it I did something right." Dean whispered.

He tried to do what he just did again, and it worked once or twice more. Gabriel was breathing hard, repeating "Dean, Dean, Dean" over and over again and so Dean started kissing every bit of skin available to him in this position and he kept stroking and pushing with his fingers, looking for that little spot that elicited the most beautiful moans from the angel, until finally Gabriel suddenly froze and Dean felt his ass clench around his fingers and his dick pulse in his hand. Gabe relaxed, and Dean kept stroking for a moment, slowly, and he finally let his hand fall on the side. The sheet under him was wet with come but he didn't mind. He could buy more sheets. He should have bought more sheets. He'd think about it again in the morning.

Gabriel sighed against his neck and he pushed himself away so that he could look at Dean. Dean smiled smugly at him. He felt a little bit proud of himself.

"Not bad for a first time, uh?"

Gabriel laughed. He pushed Dean so that Dean's back would be against his belly and he held him close. "Let's get a bit of sleep before you start giving yourself medals." He said.

Dean closed his eyes. "Yeah, okay" he laughed.

He felt really good. Exhausted, finally, but good. He wondered if he could manage to fall asleep now that he had Gabriel with him. In the same bed. He couldn't believe it. Gabriel started running a hand through his hair, slowly, almost lovingly, and Dean started to doze off.

"Gabe…"

"Hm?"

He hesitated before he opened his mouth again. He knew he was about to fall asleep, but he wanted to say this. He needed to. He just wasn't sure how.

"I'm really happy right now." He finally mumbled.

Gabriel didn't answer, but Dean felt his hand squeezing his arm. He fell asleep with a little smile on his lips.

He woke up half lying on Gabriel's chest. He didn't know how he got there. He blinked at his nightstand a few times, trying to shake off the sleepiness. Gabriel was running his hand up and down his back. It felt awesome. He hoped he could wake up like this every day.

" 'Morning" He yawned.

"Hey." Gabriel just answered.

Dean raised his head to look at him. "You didn't sleep?"

"Yeah, I did. Just a little. I thought magic lube would be okay but I might have miscalculated."

Dean felt a bit bad. How long had he been lying like this?

"You could have pushed me away if you wanted to go do something more interesting than watch me sleep."

Gabriel chuckled. "Don't worry I'm fine here. You don't snore too much so it's okay."

"I don't snore!"

"A little bit." Gabriel held his index finger and his thumb closer together to illustrate what he was saying.

Dean laughed. Gabriel pulled him up so that they were face to face and Dean was completely on top of him. Dean bent down and gave him a slow, lazy kiss.

The phone started ringing. Dean let go of Gabe and gave an annoyed look at his pants on the floor next to the bed. He saw the phone light up in one of his pocket. He groaned and tried to get up but Gabe held him in place. He held up his hand and just like that he was holding the phone.

"Thanks." Dean said as he took it.

Gabriel just smiled, satisfied. Dean looked at the name on the screen of his cell. Sam. Great.

"Yeah?" He answered.

"_Hey Dean! Hi! Uh, sorry to wake you up that early I know what you're gonna say okay, I'm not allowed to call until noon on weekends but this is really really important_." He sounded a bit distraught.

Dean frowned, concerned. "I wasn't sleeping, it's okay. What is it?"

"_You need to help me, I don't know what to do!_"

"Help you? What happened, Sam?" He was positively worried now.

Sam seemed to hesitate for a second. "_I… uh… It's ridiculous, okay, don't laugh Dean but… Jess want me to go buy my wedding suit on my own. She says she wants the surprise and… I don't know, Dean, I saw so many suits I don't know what to choose, you have to come and help me, I can't do this alone!_"

Dean laughed so hard he felt like he was about to break a rib. Gabriel kept silent but he smiled as if he was hearing everything. He probably was. "Okay, okay… Sammy… What the hell? Couldn't you have waited until this afternoon? Or next week?"

"_No! Jess' sister is coming this afternoon and Jess wants me to find something before then so that her sister can approve and… I don't know, Dean, you never met Dannie but… She's usually really great but sometimes I swear, man… She scares me. I don't want to shit this. Say yes, Dean, please_."

Dean tried to calm down and stop laughing before he answered. Gabriel was still running his hand up and down Dean's back. His hands started to drift dangerously low. "Okay, I'll do it. When do you want to go?"

He gave Gabriel a quick questioning look, then he frowned. Gabe looked a bit too happy. He had that little mischievous twinkle in his eyes that meant he was about to do something inappropriate.

"_Uh, can you come now?_"

Gabriel's hand ran down his lower back and he started massaging Dean's butt. Dean frowned harder at him. It didn't work.

"Uh, now? I'm not-"

"Hey Sam!" Gabriel shouted enthusiastically.

There was a pause at the other end of the line. "_Is that Gabriel?_"

Gabe's hand came closer and closer to Dean's hole, and Dean tried to roll on the side so he could escape but Gabriel wouldn't let him. He was holding him tight. Not that he didn't want to try things and have another one of those angelic orgasm right now but letting someone touch him while he was on the phone with his brother was all kinds of weird, if not plainly wrong.

He glared at Gabriel as hard as he could. "Uh… Yeah. It is."

"_In your bedroom? Like, in your bed?_"

Dean paused. Well, he couldn't possibly lie about that now. "Uh, yes."

He heard Jessica's voice in the back, then some whispers. Suddenly he heard a big "Yes!" coming from Jess. She seemed very happy. "_That's my boy!_" She exclaimed.

He heard Sam sigh.

"What was that?" Dean asked.

Gabriel's hand felt wet all of a sudden and he knew what was going to happen, and he felt his cheeks get hot. '_I'm on the phone!'_ He mouthed, looking at Gabe with what he hoped was a pissed off face.

Gabriel just nodded. '_I know'_, he mouthed back. He reached Dean's hole and started rubbing slow circles around it.

It startled Dean a little and he bit his lower lip in surprise. Dean's dick was getting hard. This was really awkward. He wished he could just hang up.

"_Uh, nothing_." Sam finally said after a while. "_It's… uh… We kinda… had a bet on you… and Gabriel._"

"What?"

Dean was half listening, distracted by what Gabriel was doing. He had to admit, it felt really good. He had thought about trying to do that to himself once or twice but he had never dared. Now he wondered why. It felt really, really great.

"_Yeah, I mean… You talked about him all the time so when he showed up at your place… She started it, okay…" _Jess shouted 'traitor!' behind him. _"We knew it was only a matter of time before you two-… I didn't think it would be that fast_."

"Uh, I don't know how I should take-"

Gabriel pushed a finger in, just a little, just the tip. He looked very pleased with himself every time he managed to make Dean react.

"_Dean?"_

"Yeah, yeah, I'm here. Sorry." Gabriel pushed again, and Dean could feel his whole finger inside him. It was weird at first. Gabriel just moved around a bit; let him get used to the feeling. And then he started to move, in, out, and in, and out. Dean bit his lip harder. "I just… Can I call you back, Sam?" His voice was getting high pitched.

They had been very close when they were little. They had shared motel rooms. Sam had caught Dean doing stuff when they were teenagers. He was going to find out what was happening and Dean didn't want that. Everything felt so awkward but at the same time so good, he didn't know what to feel anymore.

"You can't come right now? I don't have much time, so if you could-"

Gabriel pushed another finger in with the other and Dean kind of blacked out for half a second. It sent sparks of pleasure through his body and he pushed his groin forward, into Gabriel's erection. He couldn't help the little sob-like noise that escaped his lips.

_Fuck_.

"_Dean? Oh. My. God. Are you?... You're not…. Dude! Gross!_" Sam sounded outraged and a bit scared.

"I'm not… It's not me-"

"_Okaycallmeback!_"

Sam hung up.

Gabriel laughed.

"You're happy with yourself now?" Dean breathed.

"Very." Gabriel answered smugly.

He pulled Dean's head toward his own with his free hand and kissed him, his tongue soft against Dean's own. Dean started pushing back against his other hand, trying to get more friction on his groin. The familiar feeling of pleasure gathering under his belly started to grow again, but this time it came from his ass too. It was overwhelming.

But then Gabriel took his fingers out and pushed Dean off of him.

"What the hell?"

The angel made him lie on his belly and pulled his ass up.

"Gabe? What the-"

"Shut up, Dean, I'm teaching you stuff."

He started rubbing at Dean's hole again. It felt good but the position made Dean feel awkward. He tried to twist his head so he could look at Gabe but Gabriel just pushed his head against the pillow.

"Relax and enjoy. Close your eyes."

Dean didn't know what was going to happen and to be honest he felt a bit anxious but curiosity took over and he obeyed. For a while he only felt Gabriel's finger. Suddenly, he felt a puff of hot air on his exposed ass and the wetness of Gabriel's lips on his left cheek.

"I'm not sure-" He started.

"Shhh…"

Gabriel kept kissing him, sometimes licking a bit of skin here and there, and Dean felt desire starting to form little knots inside his stomach. He knew what was coming now, and he couldn't wait. A part of him didn't want to try it because he thought it was probably something disgusting to do but the other part was shouting 'yes' again and again.

And suddenly Gabriel's tongue was on him, lapping at him slowly and Dean had to hide his face in the pillow to muffle the embarrassing sound it got out of him. Gabriel gave one, big lick with the flat of his tongue and started going harder and faster. Dean held on to his pillow as if his life depended on it. His dick was painfully hard but he felt like he couldn't move. The feeling of Gabriel's tongue on him was so delicious, he knew he could come only from this; But at the same time he needed more. He focused on the feeling for a while, on the little sparks of pleasure running up his body as he tried get in a position that would allow him to extend his arm and touch his dick. Finally he found a way to hold himself with only one hand and he reached down with the other. He started stroking himself hard because God! He couldn't take it anymore it was too much and he needed to come, right now, but his orgasm kept building and building like it never had before. He couldn't think anymore. He felt Gabriel's tongue, soft and hot, trying to open him, going as far as possible inside of him.

"Fuck!" He breathed into the pillow.

Gabriel chuckled when finally Dean had to turn his head to breathe a bit, and he hummed in appreciation. It sent a burst of pleasure through Dean's body and he started moaning and really, after that, he was lost, he couldn't stop. He was so close when Gabriel's tongue hardened against his hole and started going up and down even faster than before that he cried out when he finally came, bursts of pleasure going through him in waves, little stars dancing behind his eyelids, Gabe's name on the tip of his tongue. It seemed to last forever and finally, finally it was over, and he let himself fall on the bed. He felt like he had just run a marathon. His arm hurt from touching himself in that awkward position, his legs were trembling and he even felt a little tear running down his cheek. Wow.

He felt Gabriel move and he opened one eye. Gabe's face appeared in front of him, the smug smile still in place. He wiped away the tear on Dean's face with the back of his hand.

"I'd like to say it's the first time I make someone cry like that, but I would be lying." He bragged.

Dean snorted.

"If that's what they call 'divine enlightenment' you can sign me up right away.' He breathed.

Gabriel just laughed lightly. "Shouldn't you be calling Sam back?"

"I… Fuck I can't right now; Give me a minute."

He couldn't stop smiling, and shivering, and at the same time he just wanted to go back to sleep. Everything felt too warm, too safe. Too good to be true. His heart felt like it was going to explode. Not because it was beating fast, no. It was something else. Something he didn't dare to think about because he really didn't want to jinx it. Even if what they had just done wasn't really what you'd call romantic, the feeling was here, burning his heart, making him smile

"Gabe."

Gabriel was staring at him but his smile was gentler now. "Hm?"

Dean nuzzled against Gabriel's neck. He took one big breath.

"I…"

He closed his mouth against. Gabriel started rubbing his back. "Take your time." He said. Dean could hear his smile.

"You're staying, right?" He asked, feeling silly.

"Yes, Dean. Not going anywhere."

"You said that once before…"

Gabriel sighed. "I know. But this time it's true. I'm not."

Dean believed him. He felt warm, and contented, and perfect.

"Good."

He smiled against Gabe's neck. Yes, everything was good.

* * *

**A/N :**

Thank you all for reading me! Comments are super welcome, and it's a great way to show your appreciation, whatever you want to say!

See you next time :)


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